It's a quiet winter's night here in central Illinois ... let's see what's on the radio ...
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Announcer: And now, the Amalgamated Maple Syrup Growers of Canada bring you ... The Editor! Each week, a thrilling story of one man's never-ending struggle against the forces of poor grammar and sloppy writing, assisted only by his faithful secretary, Miss Wrightwell. Before we begin tonight's tale, let's have a word from Milford Cremwell at the Amalgamated Maple Syrup Growers of Canada.
Cremwell: Good evening. This is Milford Cremwell from the Amalgamated Maple Syrup Growers of Canada, reminding you that maple syrup is your partner in good health! Here's Mr. Geordie Fishbinder, long-time syrup farmer ...
Fishbinder: Hello folks. My family and I been farmin' maple syrup since 1823 ... we like it on ... hot cakes ... vegetables ... on 'most everything. Drink a tall glass every day 'n' be healthy just like us!
Cremwell: Thank you, Mr. Fishbinder, for that wonderful testimonial. Now, back to Word Carr and tonight's exciting adventure of ... The Editor!
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Announcer: Welcome back, everyone! In this week's play, The Editor is tired of work and thinking of a lively evening on the town ... but his secretary, Miss Wrightwell, has other plans ...
Editor: Miss Wrightwell, whaddya say we knock off the rest of the evening? I feel like a drink or two and dinner at that place over on 24th Street, followed by some lively dancing ... and I know a secretary that'd make a swell companion!
Miss Wrightwell: Knock it off yourself, buster. We've still got a bit of work to do before anybody goes tripping over their two feet!
Editor: But, Miss Wrightwell, the night is young and you're so ...
Miss Wrightwell: efficient! Now get back behind that desk, Chief, like a good boy, and let's get this work done. There'll be plenty of time later for that sort of thing.
Editor: Aw, alright then, Miss W., ready when you are, and pass me another glass of Amalgamated maple syrup, please.
Miss Wrightwell: Let's start with the removals. There's the little matter of Anarchy is like, bogus, man by one Squat n' trot ...
Editor: Oh yes, that one was badly formatted, with poor grammar and punctuation to boot. Any response to our offer of help?
Miss Wrightwell: Zilch. Next was, and I hesitate to mention this, pushup bra by chella323.
Editor: (chuckles) That one's hard to forget. An unformatted, ungrammatical rant.
Miss Wrightwell: You got it. Sent that one back to the FAQ, with a bit of advice to read around some more.
Editor: On the ball, as usual, Miss Wrightwell! Anything else?
Miss Wrightwell: Let's see ... I believe you removed Internal combustion engine valve actuation methods and VTEC by tieman55?
Editor: Yes, ma'am. Those were poorly disguised advertisements, and not what our client likes to see in good writing. And, I think, we removed Play boy by telni at the author's request?
Miss Wrightwell: That's right, Chief, and that's the end of removals.
Editor: Swell! Grab your coat, Miss W., it's off to ...
Miss Wrightwell: Hold it right there, buster, don't touch that doorknob! We had some salvage, remember?
Editor: (sighing) Yes, we mustn't forget those ...
Miss Wrightwell: Buck up, Chief, there were only a few, and they were all spelling fixes: Argentina by Nicopa, The Owl and the Pussycat by mimewars, and United States of America by Purvis. All by authors that apparently no longer have a relationship with our client.
Editor: Great! I hope, Miss Wrightwell, that we've struck yet another blow for good writing. Now can we get going? There's a rib-eye steak with my name on it ...
Miss Wrightwell: Yes, just as soon as you sign off on this node audit for originalzin. The author passed with flying colors!
Editor: Finished at last! Lock up the place, Miss Wrightwell, and let's get going. I want to see the moon reflected in those green eyes of yours ...
Miss Wrightwell: (suddenly dreamy) Oh, Chief, you do know how to flatter a working girl ...
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Announcer: And so ends another thrilling tale of ... The Editor! Tune in again next week when The Editor, ably assisted by Miss Wrightwell, battles once again the forces of poor grammar and sloppy writing. The Editor is heard each week over this network, brought to you by the Amalgamated Maple Syrup Growers of Canada. When next you're at the grocer's, insist upon Amalgamated maple syrup – the brand you've trusted since 1823! The Editor starred wiccanpiper as The Editor, and BriarCub as Miss Wrightwell. Tune in next month for another adventure of ... The Editor! Word Carr speaking.
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