I don’t really have a thing for her, but I get jealous knowing I’m not number one. I hate being left out of whatever. Jokes, parties, laughing fits. I am the kind of person who gives up trying. Good old J has the horrid trait of constantly trying to get involved, to be the centre of attention. For Christ’s sake, the guy flirts with my ex-girlfriends, both of which I would probably talk to if it wasn’t for that little fuck. Why, oh why, would you make best friends with your best friends ex girlfriends? Evil is his name. Jesus, he has to be centre of attention all the time, about everything! He doesn’t deserve my friendship. I am a loving companion when I’m treated right. J to most repects is a pathetic guy.

Here’s what I’ve discovered: I’m a complete pushover when I have emotional attachment for a girl. Also if I am genuinely happy in their arms without even having the slightest sexual thought or motivation to pursue a relationship, then I will crumble at anything negative they say. Even if it’s a joke, the simple notion that they would even say such a ludicrous thing breaks me in two like I’ve been dumped.

I hate the fact that just because a girl and a boy are really good friends that they are expected to go out with each other. It is stupid… I feel the same way about my female friends that I do about my male friends, except friendlier and more open. I’m not feminine, but I’m not a bloke either ya know? I can express myself and I can tell people how I’m feeling, but I don’t scratch my balls in public. Does that make me less of a person? I act like my female friends to some degree but this is only because I spend so much time with them that I can’t help it.

I also act like my male friends.

I am not attracted to my female friends sexually or physically. And believe me, these girls are not ugly. Not. Ugly.

It’s ok to acknowledge that, I’m sure.