And still I'm wondering, "why me?"

Consciousness. What is it? It is the perception of events interpreted around us, combined with the workings of our mind. We see things, we hear things, we touch and taste things. But even a blind man can see the darkness inside his head. Even a deaf man can hear things inside his mind. What is the purpose of what we see and hear? The question is not, “what happens when we lose conscious thought” it is, “how and why can conscious thought exist?” The argument is not simply confined to conscious thought, it extends to several separate arguments that all end at the same conclusion; Philosophy is a tool used to justify our existence, and does not provide answers to anything, just excuses.

Why do we exist? How did we get here? The most important thing to think about here is, how did the world get here before us? The Big Bang? What was before the Big Bang? How it is possible for anything to exist? And what the fuck is time? Time is relative to the speed in which your brain operates, this is why smaller animals with faster heartbeats have such good reaction time. A year to us could be a month to a mouse. Our interpretation of time, therefore, is of no importance to “when” existence began; existence has no beginning, it did not suddenly appear and it will not suddenly end. Please bare in mind that I have just made a hypothesis related to time and the universe, which to some extent contradicts my arguments about the pointlessness of Philosophy.

Religion to me is a coping reflex to the fear of death. Maybe not the fear, but it gives justification for us being here in the first place. Sure, we go to heaven. Why? Why would we be accepted in to such a place? Why would we go to hell for succumbing to human instinct? We have the instincts of killers, we spread and destroy. To some extent we can justify killing if it is done indiscriminately, because deep down we really don’t care.

This makes me wonder why people worry about death. They say to themselves, “what if I go to hell? What if I stand before god for judgement? What if, what if, what if?” What if when you die there are no repercussions, and all the things you have done in life fade away with the consciousness that died with your body? We may as well live a life full of happiness, because it makes dying and living seem a whole less pointless. The only problem with that would be what makes us happy. Some people like to kill and indulge in acts that disturb others. There will never be a world peace because people are so different. If only we were really created in god’s image, this would never have happened. Furthermore, it is not a good thing to think the way you live your life affects you in death, because no matter how much blind faith you have, you can’t really find out until you die. BUT, then again there is the Tibetan act of concious dying practiced by several Buddhist monks, which supposedly allows the soul to leave the body… but I can’t tell you how that feels because like I said I don’t know.

What are we made of? Energised particles. Useless lumps of protons, and electrons, and atoms. We are the opposite to emptiness, nothing more. And we shouldn’t think about atoms as being the smallest things… what are atoms made of? How is it possible for atoms to exist?

The whole point is that there is no point. By trying to explain how existence is possible, I have succumbed to what humans have been doing ever since they realised they could think and feel. Live however you want because everybody dies the same! No matter what happens to the body, you die when you stop breathing. Oh, and the human body is a purely an ingenious collection of systems that allow our brain to operate and control the body. The brain, we must protect the brain! I wonder about death, I wonder so much my head aches occasionally! I wonder if I should forget about trying to discover the secrets of the universe, because apparently I’ve got another 60 years or so just to do that. Pfft.

There is no right time to admit pointlessness, and if I want to do it now, then good for me. I feel pathetic, but that’s ok because sometimes I am. In all my contradictions I still think that I'm clever and witty, but I'm not really and I still really don't want to know.