I found these while deleting some old emails, so i figured I'd post them to give some a laugh.. Enjoy.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Evening Massage - 6 p.m.

The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lead him the electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8 p.m.. Please use the back door.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The eight-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The concert held in the fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which, as usual, fell upon her.

(On a church bulletin during the pastor's illness) GOD IS GOOD. Pastor Hargreaves is better.

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

The Rector is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join their choir.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m.. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.