Okay. Time for some truth.

I'd be the last person to say I'm unhappy with the direction the site has taken. This is a better place than it was two years ago. Sorry. It is. There's less crap and more excellence. Now that we're back open to Google, we're more of a resource and less of a vacuum. The admins can expect increased quality, they can even demand it, but they can't obtain it without the vast majority of users rising to the challenge. That's a form of direct democracy.

If what you want is to be silly, or snarky, you can still do that here. I swear. You just have to commit - show that you're serious about fucking around. Yeah, usually, that means a certain length. Generally, though, it just means offering something that every other message forum out there doesn't. Try harder. Care more.

I came here to create things I could be proud of. All of my experiments have met with overwhelming success; my efforts acknowledged by like-minded individuals. If you came here for some other reason, there's lj and soon there'll be c2. You can likely fit in there. I'm not knocking those places. They help people.

I simply don't node very often. There's a variety of reasons:
  1. I won't do it unless I really care about the subject.
  2. I spend all my spare time talking to the fascinating people I meet here.
  3. I'm lazy.
None of this means that I don't love noding, or that I don't have the highest respect for those who have hundreds of (decent) nodes, or that I don't think that the fact that I have far fewer writeups than anyone at my height on the Other Users list is pretty shameful. I'm not one of those folks who had a bunch of junk from the old days and righteously removed it all. I just never got around to (what I see as) doing my part.

Though I used to, at the beginning, these days I genuinely do not want to be an editor. Again, not because I don't appreciate the work done. It is a huge responsiblity, and it deserves those who are deeply invested. This is not some Wisdom-of-Solomon reverse psychology deal where I'm secretly trying to nominate myself. It's just not for me.

Outside of all this: What I never could have imagined is how amazingly giving you people are in reality, and how much you would change me for the better. I now know how to forge a lifelong bond in half an hour. I have a place to crash in every major city in the US. And I even fell in love once or twice, and I don't make as many stupid decisions anymore. This site changed my life. I couldn't ever forget that.

This isn't about that.

I cannot shake the urge that it is time for me to take the lessons I've learned here and apply them to something much greater, something I've always known I was capable of. I've still never finished a feature-length screenplay, which is what I went to college for. I owe my friends songs, and I owe my hands piano lessons. This place, to me, feels shaped like a nest. The best nest I could have hoped for, but nonetheless, a launchpad. What's up there? Money or fame? No. Self-satisfaction. The same reason I stick around here.

There just isn't time to waste, anywhere.

I am not leaving. I am still here everyday, unless I'm spending the weekend in the woods somewhere. I still answer all my messages, I still use all my votes and my C!. I still look stuff up here before Google. I really doubt I could stop checking in if I tried.

I don't expect anyone to be broken up about me spending less time around here. I'm just putting it down for myself, to make it real. Lots of other people here disengage without the need to rationalize it verbally.

But if you do feel you miss me, you are probably someone I love, and that means I will be wherever you need me.