Arnold J. Rimmer
Kryten, defending Rimmer in a criminal court:
...having held a position of little or no importance, he was a lowly grease monkey... a zero... a nothing... a piece of sputum floating in the toilet bowl of life. Yet he could never come to terms with a lifetime of underachievement; his absurdly inflated ego would never permit it. He was like the security guard on the front gate who considers himself head of the corporation... look at this man; this man who sat and failed his astro navigation exam on no less than 13 occasions; this sad man, this pathetic man, this joke of a man... the Space Corps never allowed this man to be in a position of authority where he might endanger the entire crew.
A man so petty and small minded that he would while away the evening sewing name labels onto his ship issue condoms. A man of such awesome stupidity—an over zealous trumped up little squirt... an incompetent vending machine repair man with a Napoleon complex... who had as much respect from his crew members as Long John Silver's parrot.
Who would permit this man, this joke of a man, this man who could not outwit a used tea bag, to be in a position where he might endanger the entire crew? Who... Only a yoghurt! This man is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime. It is also his punishment!"
Arnold J. Rimmer is one of the main characters on the sci-fi britcom Red Dwarf, played marvelously by Chris Barrie (the butler in Tomb Raider). He is the asshole everybody loves to hate.
Rimmer, the second lowest crewman aboard the mining vessel Red Dwarf, only barely outranking the lowest, Dave Lister, died in the very first episode, but is brought back to life as a hologram to be a companion to the only survivor (Lister!), because he spoke the most words to Lister when they were alive (Holly, the ship's computer somehow forgot to take into account that 99% of those were commands to "Smeg off!" or other cursewords).
He is a fanatical believer in authority (as long as it is him providing the authority) and has always dreamed of becoming an officer, failing miserably every time he tried. He is convinced to be destined for greatness, a feeling which is supported by the fact that he believes he was none other than Alexander the Great's Chief Eunuch in a former life.
... even to this day I can’t look at a pair of nutcrackers without wincing… and why every time I’m with a large group of women I have this urge to bathe them in warm olive oil?
He is an incredible git with a sad past, and even sadder future, and he can't even stand himself, when it comes to it, as he found out in several episodes. He has little luck with the opposite sex, scaring them away before their first encounter, and so it is no wonder that his favorite book is "How to Pick Up Girls Through Hypnosis". But he has a positive side as well. Sadly, that is his alternate universe version, Ace Rimmer, whose guts he hates as well.
Ace Rimmer: Smoke me a kipper. I'll be back for breakfast!
But we, the viewers, love this sad caricature of a man, with his ambitions, silly salute, frothing monologues and never-ending potential for comedy. He is the dark part of us, one we fear, and enables us to laugh at it. And therefore I say:
"Go boldly, Arnold J. Rimmer, and never give up!"