All the talk of the components to a successful interview mentioned above is quite useful, but what if you're attending a potential employment review to do the other kind of booty-thumping?

You know what I mean. You're all decked out in steel-toes that could shatter bricks, and the kevlar attached tighly to your chest makes your heart pump just a little harder to get that blood flowing. You just drove home from the local Wal-Mart, infuriated at not making it on time to submit an application for the 37th annual 48.5-man Royal Rumble with C4, Barbed Wire, and Live Nude Lesbians.

And then that call came in. Ooh, what a bitter ring that Radio Shack cordless 900mhz has when you're angry. Cackling, mocking. You grip the phone like you were strangling Bill Gates himself, and lift, in one fluid motion, a motion packed with the lightning dexterity of the most sanity-ridden barbarian.

"8 o'clock sharp. Third floor, you'll see the office clearly marked. Be there, and be ready to kiss ass if you want that cushy CEO salary."

The phone is slammed with hatred. Cold, hard hatred.

"Why?!", you bellow.

"Why do they want to do this NOW?????"

It's a twenty minute drive to the office, so you better read this now before it's too late. There will undoubtedly be at least two men in the room, not counting security at the door. Your actions will have to be swift and merciless.

1. You will walk calmly into the office. You will say nothing, even when it's asked why you're 20 minutes early and didn't check in with the receptionist.

2. You will extract from your oversized, multi-pocketed blazer, a trout. This heinous one-shot melee weapon will then be used to deliver a resounding thump to the highest-ranking official in the room, ensuring your message is delivered soundly...and painfully, and in quite a fishy way too.

3. You will attempt to calmly exit the room. The pansy Assistant Slave Boy will cower in the corner. Don't expect security to do the same. This is where the 8 years of training in pirate-speak pays off.

Good luck, me matey.