Once, a few years ago at a quasi-neo-pagan-shamanistic weekend gather I attended, there was a men’s ritual, of sorts. It didn’t involve naked males peeing on trees, or beating on drums and crying... It was more like a support-group workshop, I suppose, or a philosophy class, where we debated the nature of men in modern society, and our place in it.

At the end, there was a cup passed around, full of honey wine. Somewhere along the line, before it got passed to me, everyone was toasting before they took a drink. ‘To children’ and ‘to love’ and ‘to women’ and maybe even cars, I think. When it reached me, I paused, opened my mouth, and toasted to the notion that no one has to grow up, if they don’t want to.

I think my hair was in a mohawk that day, two feet tall and reds and yellows and white.


I spent some time at Karla’s house with Jes, last night. I almost enjoyed myself, actually.

It’s not that I don’t like Karla, or Aun, or Allison, or anyone else who was there... It’s just that very little happens when they all get together. They sit around, and watch each other play video games, most of the time.

I turned off the TV, shortly after I got there. Reached over, turned it off, and within ten minutes we had a fairly interesting conversation going.

Secretly, I really enjoy their company sometimes, especially Gav. Most of the time, that is.

I was talking to Rose on the phone, a day or two ago, and she was talking about her trips back to Ottawa, to visit. She had an interesting observation on the whole social circle, really. She said that when she got back into town, and she went to Elgin Street Diner, everyone was still there, in the exact same seats she left them in.

And it’s true. Not one word of an exaggeration. Not that it’s any of my business if that’s what they wanna do.

I just wonder if any of them really enjoy it anymore.


According to lore, when Jes met Orbit, he gave her a warning about me. “Don’t worry about Jairus, he’s an elitist bastard. He’ll ignore you for a while, and then decide if he wants to talk to you.”

I suppose I would be offended, if there weren’t some truth in it.