It's getting harder, you know. Every time I let it slip by, every time I push it to the back of my mind, or just forget about it entirely, it gets a little bit more difficult.

If this continues, soon there won't be anything left at all.


Jessica is in Ottawa, visiting friends and family over the next week. She was last there over the holiday break, and sometime in the fall, previous to that.

It's edging up on a year since I've gone back.

The reasons are always the same. No money, no time. The fact that I haven't been back in a year is proof of the fact that I haven't been able to spare a hundred dollars, and a weekend, in at least that long.

The fact that things have been so tight for so long do not lend themselves to optimism.


Stressing over the house situation is taking its toll. Venk is demanding that his thousand dollar deposit be returned to him out of my pocket, and Naveen has demanded that his similarly-sized depost be used for his last two months of rent. As the owner of the house has these deposits, not me, that's two thousand dollars that has to come from somewhere.

The pockets of Jessica and I, mostly.

Gav has come up from Ottawa to move in, a move which (one would think) should improve things around the house, financially. Unfortunately, Venk has stated that if he is to 'allow' Gav to move in (as Venk is still on the lease, even if he's 500km away, and not paying rent), I must first provide him with money, to buy him out of the lease.

Of course, if I had the money to buy him out of the lease, I wouldn't have needed to find an additional roommate. If I don't bring in a roommate because I don't have money to pay Venk, I'm not going to be able to pay rent. If I can't pay rent, then we lose the house. Losing the house impacts not at all to Venk, who is living safely in his mother's house, back in Ottawa. It also doesn't matter too much to Naveen, who goes back to Quebec City at the end of April.

I am so fucking tired of this.

So, so fucking tired of this.