Sometimes, when I’m alone, and able to look in a mirror and see some
beauty, some level of
confidence, and worth, I wonder why the simple act of going outside strips it all away, and leaves me bare.
...
Words don’t seem to work, today. My
fingers are clumsy, and my
mind is dulled.
...
Luke and I got to
DJ at a club Wednesday, and we’re officially
residents every Wednesday, until they kick us out. The
manager seems to like our style, but we need more people there. I’ve been doing what promotion I can, such as getting us listed in the
alternative newspapers, and what-not, but all the
flyers rest in the hands of someone who volunteered to distribute them over the past week, and has seemingly done nothing. She is also supposed to be
working the door, once we start to charge cover.
She’s had a week to flyer. If she can’t manage to handle a bit of
handouts and
masking tape, I don’t want to trust her with my money.
...
The
one-bedroom apartment I was supposed to get has fallen through, as the lady who was renting it has decided to give it to her
boyfriend instead, leaving me with little notice or ideas. She didn’t even bother to contact me, either. Had I not been trying to get in contact with her over the last week, I wouldn’t have known until
I showed up on the doorstep with my clothes in a backpack.
Not that I’m
bitter.
I’m now trying to re-evaluate what I want to do, as far as
living conditions are concerned. I want to move out of
Jessica’s parent’s place, but I’m unsure as to where/when/with who. If Jes can get switched to
full-time from
part-time, or otherwise find some means of supporting herself, I might not be that adverse to
living together again... I can’t support her with the position I’m in, however; and a
full-time job would prevent her from
going back to school. Lose-lose situations.
The idea of a
roommate is somewhat appealing, although I think I may be just missing
Venk. I want a roommate of that
caliber, and I’m fairly certain I won’t find it. It’d make things much easier, as far as financial concerns go. The state of
Ottawa housing is poor at the moment, arguably the worst in
Canada. It is unfun.
There’s always
Toronto, I tell myself. There’s always
Europe.