Sometimes, when I’m alone, and able to look in a mirror and see some beauty, some level of confidence, and worth, I wonder why the simple act of going outside strips it all away, and leaves me bare.


Words don’t seem to work, today. My fingers are clumsy, and my mind is dulled.


Luke and I got to DJ at a club Wednesday, and we’re officially residents every Wednesday, until they kick us out. The manager seems to like our style, but we need more people there. I’ve been doing what promotion I can, such as getting us listed in the alternative newspapers, and what-not, but all the flyers rest in the hands of someone who volunteered to distribute them over the past week, and has seemingly done nothing. She is also supposed to be working the door, once we start to charge cover.

She’s had a week to flyer. If she can’t manage to handle a bit of handouts and masking tape, I don’t want to trust her with my money.


The one-bedroom apartment I was supposed to get has fallen through, as the lady who was renting it has decided to give it to her boyfriend instead, leaving me with little notice or ideas. She didn’t even bother to contact me, either. Had I not been trying to get in contact with her over the last week, I wouldn’t have known until I showed up on the doorstep with my clothes in a backpack.

Not that I’m bitter.

I’m now trying to re-evaluate what I want to do, as far as living conditions are concerned. I want to move out of Jessica’s parent’s place, but I’m unsure as to where/when/with who. If Jes can get switched to full-time from part-time, or otherwise find some means of supporting herself, I might not be that adverse to living together again... I can’t support her with the position I’m in, however; and a full-time job would prevent her from going back to school. Lose-lose situations.

The idea of a roommate is somewhat appealing, although I think I may be just missing Venk. I want a roommate of that caliber, and I’m fairly certain I won’t find it. It’d make things much easier, as far as financial concerns go. The state of Ottawa housing is poor at the moment, arguably the worst in Canada. It is unfun.

There’s always Toronto, I tell myself. There’s always Europe.