When I was fifteen or so, I was in a ‘youth intervention program
’ at the local children’s hospital
It was designed to keep ‘at risk
’ children out of trouble via prevention
The best way to prevent children from going bad, I think, is not
by placing them in close contact with other ‘at risk’ children.
I was at Tim Hortons
with some other people from the program... It might’ve been Dairy Queen
, actually. In any case, we were all sitting around, drinking coffee
, eating ice cream
. I was chatting with some guy I was in the program with, someone I later dared into smoking a cigarette in one drag
. He threw up
In any case, we were talking about another girl
in the program who was absent from the ice-cream-adventure, that he happened to be going out with. I asked him how long they’d been together, and he laughed
“What does it matter? I’m gonna break up with her
I didn’t understand, not really. “Why?”
“I hate her
. She’s ugly
, she’s fat
, and she’s stupid
. I’m just fucking her so that she’ll give me her pet turtle
. After that, she’s gonna be Ottawa
’s newest member of the fucked-and-dumped club
I just stared at him. I didn’t understand, not at all. I couldn’t grasp the idea
that you’d want to use people, that you’d hurt someone if you could possibly avoid it.
I stared out the window, and watched the traffic go by.
I wanted to cry, without having any idea why I felt so sad.
, I think I was mourning