Upon researching my predicament, I find there is a name for it, or for
what I think it is: delusion of reference
My real problem is not so much with the issue of delusion or no, but
what I should do about it. After now more than a year, it still doesn't
In some respects in fact it has recently intensified. Yesterday morning
I thought I caught a continuity slip, like when Truman hears set
coordination communications on his car radio. This was also on the
radio. Actually I get a lot of support for the delusion from the radio
but this was almost like the experiences on the streets of NYC at the
start of the whole thing in being outside of the fuzzy area and into the
concrete. But I won't go into the details.
I considered going to a psychologist or psychiatrist but I was just
desperate, and decided later that would be a waste of time and money. I'm
not psychotic or deluded, at worst I'm involved in something or am
having a problem correctly perceiving something.
That's the real problem how to assign the right meaning and right
response to the experience.
The thing has begun to work real transformations in me personally.
Q & A
- Do you believe in God?
The first action to be taken on the query "Do you believe X?" is to define X.
The success of belief is truth. I have defined this particular
subject in a way in which I can answer this question in the affirmative. The
need to do something like this should be self evident.
It is important to say though that I absolutely reject the concept as it is
commonly understood, in fact I know of no other sensical formulation, and
see no greater evil in the world today than this lie at the heart of human being.
That god is dead.
- Do you really think you are deluded/mental?
- What then in fact do you think is going on?
A lot of speculations arise in the absence of firm information ranging
from ideas similar to the content of Wallace Shawns The Designated Mourner
to reality TV, to just a some adolescent prank.
The matter of fact remains unresolved and can be usefully posed as a
dichotomy/alternation: aperception or not? If it is not an aperception
but some process directed at me from the outside world, I can't effectively
cooperate with it unless I know what the process is. So for now I accept
it as an unresolved aperception which is having a transformational effect
on my existence.
- Aren't you a rather unlikely candidate for something like this?
Yes, assuming the cloud "something like this" to be understood, absolutely. I
would have thought somebody nice looking (like Jim Carey) or with better
people skills would have been chosen. The only explanation I can come up
with is my extreme truthfulness combined with social conditions which my
work life somewhat typify.
- What are you going do?
What can I do? My old life has run out and has been discontinued. I am pleasantly
living in the best way I know how in anticipation of the end of me as a process.
I think this is what you're supposed to do anyway.
- Would you in fact sue?
That depends. If commercial profit is involved then I would want for me or my estate
to be fairly compensated. Even a malicious prank which was not for profit I could
look the other way on. For anything else the answer would be no.
- Are you a racist/Anti-American?
No of course not, wait a minute, maybe a human racist. I don't even have a race
as such unless you consider merkins to be a race so it would be absurd. Some aspects of the current state of the American
cultural and political scene are extremely irritating to me, but as I love myself
so I must love my people. See Anti-Americanism, the Anti-Imperialism of Fools in
at the WSWS: