I had a bad dream...

I was swimming in the ocean (which usually scares me, but not in this dream) with my children. The water was as clear as non-existence. All there was on the sand were a few easily avoidable sea urchins.

Every few minutes we would pass a "Meridian Line" which was a long, long piece of white cloth stretching from one horizon to the other. The lines were used by parents to tell their children how far into the sea they could safely swim.

Suddenly, my mobile rang.

Someone told me my brother and sister (who don't exist in waking life) had been killed by a car. My children and I swam back to shore, passing the Meridian Lines which had got bigger and more frequent and more difficult to pass.

We came to shore and walked back along the beach - which was like no beach in reality. Lawn-like grass covered the hard dirt in a long strip. 

We arrived inside our "Home" - the funeral reception was under way.

It was simply gorgeous. There was order and beautiful furniture and white linen and lovely flowers lovelyly arranged.

There were about a hundred people there, and I knew only about six of them.

One woman came up to me and wanted to tell me all about how her lover expected her to be willing to have sex with him three times a week, and would I tell him how unfair he is. She wouldn't either shut up or go away.

Then times jumped and I was at the funeral of my children, who very much do exist. They had also been run over.

My ex father-in-law was wandering around smiling his slightly dopey smile. He noticed a sign made up about my brother and sister's deaths, with dates, and he picked it up and changed the date to "16/10", which was my children's death-date,  with a red texta .

I sat down at one of the beautiful tables, and picked up a pretty-thing. Someone behind me said "Sorry, that's got hazelnuts" and took it away.

Then I was in bed with the flu.

People were saying "Don't tell her, she needs to rest" and I couldn't open my eyes to see who they were. I couldn't move at all.

I knew they were talking about my children being killed (at this stage in the dream the whole funeral/reception had taken place without me). I knew I had missed the funeral.

Now I feel bad, but its too early to call my lover, even though he wouldn't mind.

So I've told you instead.