I pride my self on drunken nodes, have no doubt about that, but I feel that I have lost something.

That something is my desire to achieve, or at least that's what it seems to be. I just don't have the desire or care, or want for anything. This is in itself, a puzzle, for it seems that I do care about things.

I work hard in college, I don't know why; I work hard in weight lifting for football and I don't know why. I automatically put everything I hear or do in perspective to the great scheme of things.

If I lose a few points on a test or quiz...who gives a damn...If I don't get that last rep on bench...who gives a damn. My day is full of events that I put in perspective and automatically have no care for.

I don't think I need help, but do I? Is this what all first-year college students go through? Do all people feel a sense of "lost" in their lives?

I wasn't always like this. It used to be that when I lost a few points on an exam, that I would fret over it, and it would dominate my thoughts for a good while. It used to be that football was all I cared about and getting ready for the next season, and even though I still carry my passion for football...It's just not the same.

Will I look back on this some day and think, wow...was I ever lost in the world. I had no aim or distant goal...or did I? Was this a defense mechanism to the growing facets of my expanding world?

I suppose...that only time will tell