Being a rent-a-cop, I have absolutely no respect for the law or security, nor do I strike fear in the hearts of criminals, being a 5'6", 21-year-old girl. I sit at a desk, hand out badges, watch a monitor, and make sure the ceiling isn't dripping. I'm only a security guard because it pays $9/hour, and I want to go to grad school.

I could care less if a criminal broke in. As my mother says, "Just nod your head and give them what they want. The hell with company loyalty--that insurance company doesn't even pay you!." Right on, mom.

Am I sub-standard? Sure--but this isn't my life, man. I work three days of the week, sitting at a desk and writing short plays. What could be better?