Tom Servo: (gasping) They arrested Harlan Ellison!
Joel Robinson: Good.
Crow T. Robot: I have my doubts that this movie is actually "starring" anybody. More like "camera is generally pointed at."
Mike Nelson: You know, this movie can be used to induce vomiting.
Tom Servo: What do you think the lesson of the movie was?
Crow: Don't watch it.
Tom: I see the movie has finally thrown up its hands and said, "I just don't know."
Crow: I want to hurt this movie, but I can never hurt it like it hurt me.
Crow: No fair! You can't flash back to stuff we saw ten seconds ago!
Tom: Emby Mellay? That's not a name, it's a bad Scrabble hand!
Crow: The only response to this film is pure, unbridled hate.
(Tom's dressed as a candy-striper)
Tom: Joel, this nurse's outfit makes me very self-conscious and embarrassed -- and yet, I don't seem to mind.
Crow: Ooo. I bet that would taste great with drawn butter. Of course, I'd eat my own HEAD with drawn butter.
Crow: Men should NOT have bikini areas!
Crow: A creature whose face is 80% eyebag!
Tom: So, radiation has a sense of humor!
Tom: You know, just because you CAN edit doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Joel: Crow, what do you want for Christmas?
Crow: I want to decide who lives and who dies!
Joel: Oh, I don't know...
Crow: Mike, I'm gonna look at your shoes for a while. It makes about as much sense.