Ugh, today was terrible. Last night one of my friends and I had a deep conversation as to his sexual orientation. Apparently he's not entirely sure about things, because he likes girls, but he doesn't have fantasies about them, and he feels very comfortable hanging out with gay guys. I have no idea what to tell him. People tell me I'm a good listener, but hearing this from a person whom I've been trying to suppress a crush on, and had nearly succeeded a couple weeks ago, I was a bit surprised.
We talked for a bit, about all sorts of random things. One thing comes to another, and something prompted me to feel his head. He tells me that feels good, so I keep giving him a scalp rub. After a few minutes he asks if I want a back rub. This is probably the longest single instance of human contact I've had in a long time. It felt great. We talked a bit more, and eventually went our seperate ways later.
Of course, all night I can't stop thinking about him. I'm confused, and not quite sure how to handle it. Since he's questioning I probably shouldn't get attached just yet, which is hard because I've been resisting a crush on him for some time. But he's questioning, so maybe he needs someone... It's just confusing and I'm not sure what's going on, or how I should handle it.
So today I was talking with another group of friends, and we are joking about now that I've come out as a gay guy I'm getting more girls (which is all too true... :/ ), and my lesbian friend wishes she was getting all the girls I am. I pipe up that last night I got a back rub from a questioning guy. I get a high five from someone and the conversation moves on. But now I'm thinking thats exactly what happened last night. Just that I got a backrub from a questioning guy. It probably doesn't mean anything. But I've got this doubt in my mind. It seemed like he liked me, but it might have just been me. A very confusing situation.
To top it off, I have to put up with mom. I ask her if I can go to the PFLAG meeting tonight. She asks if that's with the girls, putting an emphasis on the girls as if they are some sort of hellspawn out to convert my precious mind into something else. I don't think she realizes that I spend most of my day with them already, at school. What really ticks me off though is that she let me go to another friend's party without even knowing the person a few weeks ago. I bet she'd let me go to a "Straight Middle Class Conformist B Average People" club without knowing anything about it, either. Gah!
I need a nap... :o