This IT contractor dies and goes to Heaven. When he gets there, there's a huge parade, with trumpeters and cheerleaders and whatnot. He is picked up and carried on the shoulders of the crowd of angels through the Pearly Gates. Befuddled, the corporate crackguy turns to one of the revellers and asks "excuse me, this is all very nice, but what've I done to deserve it?"

"What do you mean?" says the angel "It's not every day the oldest person on Earth dies and comes up here!"

"What do you mean, the oldest person on Earth? I'm only 37!"

"Naah mate - we added up your timesheets!"

IT contractors don't get paid sick leave, holiday pay or overtime, which makes them feel that it's only fair they abuse the system for whatever they can get away with. We don't punch in on a clock as a rule, which only makes it easier - all we do is lie on our timesheets for days we know our boss wasn't paying attention to our timekeeping. My boss, however, has recently developed the unfortunate habit of relying on informants for days when she's absent, so there's a lot of white-out on my timesheets these days. Still, nothing personal. She knows I owe it to myself to try - she's a contractor, too...