Friendships are slowly forming,
amorphous as of yet, congealing out of the nodegel like
hesitant gellyfish.
I am impatient, I want to press on, to say "it's ok, love me despite, love me because you've not met me, I won't hurt you, I'll love back, I promise".
Instead I just say "take care". I am prudent. I am careful not to scare off, not to startle, not to overwhelm with my usual ferocious affection. But it costs me, and inside I am in pain. The breaks I am applying are burning in my head, acrid and hot.
Sometimes it's easier when the temptation to just take them in your arms and love them isn't there.