Start Again


One of the most bizarre and insane aspects of my life's journey has involved translating certain "documents." The source of these documents are difficult to explain. Their original source is something I call The Blueprint of the Soul, which I encountered during the events of the night of June 6, 1994. What makes this difficult to explain is that the "blueprint" itself is not made up of words. To say it is in a foreign or alien language does not come close to defining the blueprint. It is an abstraction of sorts, a form of communication which has no real parallel in human terms. It involves being able to communicate a tremendous amount of information and understanding in an instant. Beyond that it is a puzzle within which the solutions are only visible to those who acquire the ability to understand what they are seeking. While the information can be communicated instantaneously, our capacity for digesting and understanding limits our reception.

The "translations," as I have come to call them, are derived through communication on a "spiritual" level with Anastasia, who has been many things to me over the course of my life. The easiest theological explanation for her is that she is an "angel," but this is a term I use as a a way of simplifying explanations. When I meditate on my memory of the blueprint, she speaks to me and when we reach a certain level of balance in our communication, I am able to see what I am seeking and the result is a sometimes frenetic explosion of words. I write them almost automatically, typing or handwriting them at a furious pace without even taking notice of what I am typing. Sometimes the verses are abstractions and sometimes the verses are comprised of direct one on one conversation between Anastasia and myself, which explains the change between the seventh and eighth sections of this book.

My focus is not on refuting or changing existing religions or beliefs. My study of theological history and the sacred texts of the world's religions has confirmed what I have come to believe, and what is a frequent theme in the translations. All of the great religions of the world have the same root source and yet they tend to concentrate on their differences. The differences come from the cultural context in which the message was given. Certain aspects of sacred texts were applicable only to existing cultural situations. This was necessary so that they could not only be understood, but so they could be accepted within that cultural context. Over time, a concentration on literal translations of symbolic, metaphoric teachings has had a tendency to make certain religious groups hostile towards "non-believers" who do not accept what they believe is absolute. At the heart of every great religious tradition, rooted in their most sacred texts, is compassion, acceptance and forgiveness. While many realize the importance of these things, those who are most vocal and most visible tend not to understand this. The educated and rational people of the modern world have often come to reject and condemn religion for this reason. They see the judgmental condemnation of "sinners" by self-promoting preachers, the corruption of Islam by those who pervert it to justify killing as necessary to preserve their traditions, wars fought in the name of religion, and the bizarre and seemingly endless conflict over ownership of "holy lands" by the world's three major monotheistic religions who seem blind to the idea that maybe there is a reason why they all consider the same lands to be sacred within their own traditions.

The Book of Christina was the third "book" that I translated, and it was after translating this that I began to see the format and style was very similar to that of many existing sacred texts. This leads me to believe that those texts were translated in a similar way, with a flow of words coming bite by bite as an answer to meditations upon a question or desire for knowledge. They exist within the realm of mythos. They are elements of my personal mythology and I share them as I believe they may be of value to others who are seeking.

The Book of Christina came as a result of my quest to understand the nature of my "exile" to Orlando. Certain events that happened in Florida during my first two years there in 1997-1999 often had an inexplicable mystical element to them. Somehow I was enriched by them, moved by them, changed by them and fulfilled by them even though there was no rational explanation for this. As time passed, the nature of my exile changed. The deeper reasons for my overwhelming desire to move to Orlando passed, something that was clearly marked by the death of Christina, who had been an important part of my experience there. I began to realize things were changing and that it would soon be time to leave Florida. No longer did I have an overwhelming desire to be there. It became just a city where I lived, worked and spent time with friends.

The "mission" was over and now there was nothing. It was no longer a mystical place where I had to find answers to questions. It was just a city, and as time passed, it became a very hollow place to me. And so, I sought to understand. Why had I come there? Had I done everything I had come to do? There was no clear and simple answer and yet I knew I would find no further resolution.

My quest to understand led to the translation of this book, which is named in honor of the seemingly endless stream of women I encountered who had the same root name. To me it was a sign. They all had a slightly different version of the same name, they all had a different meaning to me in the course of my journey, but at the core they had a great deal in common. For a while I struggled with an issue I later considered to be a red herring; which was the one I had come to Orlando to find?

It was the wrong question, and it led me into a period of frustration where I felt a sense of failure. Somehow, I seemed to help each of them find something they were missing. Somehow each was important and I was able to give each of them something as each of them gave me something. It was not a choice of one person being the reason for my being in Orlando. I was subscribing to a "One Truth" policy, looking for a simple and easy answer to a question I did not yet understand. Realizing this made it easier when the time came to leave Orlando, end my exile, and return home to New Hampshire. It also led me to realize that life isn't about sorting through people to find one specific person who was somehow the answer. It is about understanding the reasons why each and every person enters our orbit. We're all important and we all matter, and yet we so often sort through people looking for specific elements and criteria and when they don't meet that criteria, we toss them on our personal discard pile.

While the other books delve into more abstract lessons, The Book of Christina seems to explain me.

The Book of Christina

1. If a traveler upon the road is weary,
Then the traveler will rest.
If a traveler upon the road is lost,
Then the traveler will seek direction.
A traveler has needs that must be met
Before the journey can continue
Those who can fulfill those needs seek the traveler,
Yet only the traveler can address these needs
For the traveler must learn to accept what is given
Rather than asking for more than is present
Or avoiding what is given through misinterpretation of the gift.

2. Illusions and patterns can corrupt the traveler
When the traveler is weary he seeks to drink more than his fill,
To rest longer than needed, to eat more than he needs to sustain
The danger of these illusions is clear
One who takes more than is needed loses the path,
Just as one who demands more than can be given may fall into the weeds
For the path cannot exist within the truth of the message
Unless balanced by the temptations of what grows by its side

3. If two travelers meet upon the road, they are at first strangers
If they embrace the heart of the message they will not be so for long,
For they will always identify one another
No matter what name the message travels under
They are seekers, and it is the nature of seekers to know each other
Yet the energy between them is easily corrupted by temptation
As this moment between them, when they cease to be strangers,
Is a moment both will cling to and not wish to release
As such they may lose the path within each other
As they seek to request more than can be given
And they will eat and drink more than their fill and rest for longer than needed

4. A temptation cannot exist without being the fulfillment of desire
The purpose of temptation, the weapon of Chaos,
Is to counter the value of patience and perseverance
The easy road is offered to the weary, hungry and thirsty traveler
And so he gives in to appease his perceived suffering,
But there is no true suffering of this kind to those who understand
What is needed will be given, no more and no less
What is given will be received, and no more will be asked

5. How might the weary traveler greet the personification of desire?
How might the hungry traveler greet the opulence of food?
How might the thirsty traveler greet the excess of drink?
These things offer assurances to the traveler
An opportunity to rest in the journey of seeking
Within these things is the fulfillment of his seeking
And yet this fulfillment is an illusion; it is a temporary state
For the strength of temptation is in the here and now
And the heart of the message comes from what is eternal
The gratification of the moment cannot hold power over the eternal
And so is born the war within the self, the war within the soul,
And so the gratified will seek to extend their temporary state
For even as they know it is temporary they embrace the illusion.
This, they say, will give it value
But the temptations of the moment are mere illusions
Nothing can be eternal if it takes more than it needs
Or if it asks more than can be given

6. If two travelers find each other upon the road,
Would they dare to distract or delay the journey of the other,
To fulfill their desire for companionship?
If within the other is seen the fulfillment of desires
Beyond even what the other is able to freely give
Then the traveler becomes the temptation of his own brother or sister
For freedom of the spirit comes only through love in the unconditional tense
They must release each other into their own path
And if the path is true in a shared spirit
These travelers will never be apart again
No matter where their journeys lead them
As they will always travel together in spirit
Always release those you truly love
So that they may remain with you forever

7. Those closest to the heart of the message will be most strongly tempted
As they lift themselves beyond the pettiness of conflict and anger
The mirror that opposes the true spirit of the message
Will tempt within corrupted interpretations of the message
These things you most strongly desire will become known to you
That which appears to be the fulfillment of aching desires will become ready
And yet these things have value within the truth as well as the corruption
In the interpretation of these things is the power of the message
And yet these things also house the power of the reflection

8. There came to be a traveler, a servant of the message
He was no more and no less than any who came before him
And certainly no more than any who walked beside him
And he would learn he was no more than those who opposed him
This messenger, to whom I have given the message to bring
Was led into temptation by that which could redeem him
For he was want to give into his desires
To eat and drink more than his fill,
And to rest as long as he could in the arms of she who fulfilled these desires

9. The traveler would leave the place he knew as home
He would struggle with the temptation to stay
As that which is familiar and known is most comforting
To the traveler who must leave such things behind.
What is known is easily embraced and rest comes easily
But the journey is a path of learning and teaching
And as such must go beyond what is familiar and comfortable

10. When this traveler became tired, or in need of food and drink
The patterns would unfold, easily recognized as such
The physical form of the personification of his desires
And their names would be the same to remind him
Of the nature of his path and the direction he could take
Each would be named Christina,
The sacred name of his teacher; the sacred name of his student
The name of the mother, the sister and the daughter
They are my equals in every way
Unique within their own vision and being
Equal is not same; we are equal but none of us are same

11. This knowledge must not be corrupted, even as it is sure to be
For Christina as the mother gives life to those who travel
Christina as the sister gives comfort to the traveler
Christina as the daughter is where the message is given and reborn
My coming is not possible without understanding of the three
Know Christina as the mother, the sister and the daughter
For she is all three and I am joined with her as same

12. If the messenger of my words is no greater than those beside him
To them he is father, brother and son
And so the same is true of all
No one before another and no one walks in our wake
As my messenger is a gift to the Christinas, so are they a gift to him
What they can give is what is needed, if he asks no more than that
What he can give is what is needed, if they ask no more than that
Within this truth is carried the message
The blueprint for us all

13. No more can be given them than what they are willing to receive
No more can be taught than what they are willing to learn
These limits must be understood and heeded
Or the balance will be lost
The temptation for more will be apparent
The personification of desire is a strong temptation
The physical is only an illusion that keeps us from looking beyond

14. The first Christina was a powerful temptation
For she appeared as she had in the messenger’s dreams
What he sought he believed he found in her
And so he asked for more than could be given him
In doing so he created distance between them
And yet she received the message and was changed by it
The path she traveled became clearer
For she saw beyond his desire
And she knew the role he was to play

15. The second Christina became his lover
She would teach him in her way
Through her he would see more clearly
Even as he rejected the notion this state was temporary,
The physical connection would be broken as it needed to be
For without this illusion shattered their true connection could not be seen
Her passing from his life, the death of her body would show the truth
He accepted her completely in what she was meant to be
To him she became inspiration, the reason not to fail

16. As the messenger became tired, worn down by thirst and hunger
They would come to him again, the form and name the same
Their needs would become much greater
As he was each time able to give more
In spirit they would test him, united in his soul
With the passing of one Christina would come another
To bring what was needed
They would bring him food, drink and rest
For these things are symbolic in their nature
In their appearance they are the fulfillment of his physical desires
Their form is one of service, the one who brings food and drink
So shall he know them in this way
As they are those to whom he can give the most
And they are those from whom he will be tempted to ask too much

17. The physical is the illusion that masks the soul within
Without beauty they offer no temptation
If a man is offered a single coin by one who has no more
He will not be tempted to take more than this
But if a man is told to take a single coin
From a pile of a thousand coins
The temptation will be strong
So is it with the Christinas
As they will offer him one coin
While revealing that the pile contains much more

18. Truth cannot exist without the mirror
The image that is false to the vision of the other is true in its own vision
For these things validate each other
One needs the other to create its own definition
And so realization comes in marriage with temptation
For one cannot resist temptation without it being there

19. What can be given is only what can be received
Without the temptation to give more than can be received this has no meaning.
Just as there is temptation to give less than you are able
To those who need more than what is offered,
Those who ask for less cannot be burdened by an offer of more
This offer does not serve the receiver; this offer serves the giver
Why would one offer more than another is willing to accept?
The gift then serves the vanity of the giver
The energy of such things is wasted and frivolous
For all things that can be given are needed somewhere
The journey is about finding the needs wherever they may be
What is not welcome in one quarter may be needed in another
Do not waste your energies in forcing gifts upon another
Save those gifts for those who would willingly open them

20. The receiver must prepare just as the giver does for these things
As through the message it is known the simple truth
To receive a gift is how one gives, just as giving is receiving
One who walks in the truth of the message seeks to give as the meaning of their existence
Without those who may receive what is given, his journey becomes empty
To make yourself ready to receive is to give the greatest gift of all
These who confuse taking with receiving do not understand this
To receive is to accept what is freely given
And one who seeks to give must know those who can receive
Their gift to him becomes all he desires

21. The living parable I give to my messenger,
My father, my brother, my son, my teacher and my student,
Is so that he may understand and learn the essence of the message
For one is not easily educated unless the lesson comes alive
Words alone are not enough to teach
The reason for this life you lead is the living lesson
To learn from action and deed
To give and to receive; to teach and to learn
Each within his own patterns
To follow or be broken
In the traveling of the road

22. The living parable rests within the life that is led
It is translated within the vision of the traveler
And with this translation comes the truth as he sees it
The truth about himself; the definition of who he is
Within this is found the spirit of the journey
The location and direction upon the path
For what he learns from each in turn is reflected upon the others
For giving, for receiving, for taking and for accepting
The answer that comes is not the one he thinks he seeks
The answer is more than that for the answer defines the question
Many seek answers without understanding the question
Within the definition of the question lies the reason for the answer