One door closes as another opens.
I recently learned that I would be unemployed as of April 9th. I presently work for a company that is contracted to provide services for another company. It was always like a bad marriage, with our company being completely at the mercy of the client company. We operate on their property under their rules and we have no other lovers. Now they are cancelling the contract, giving us sixty days notice for disengagement and saying, "Thanks for the last five years, but we don't want you any more."
It isn't a pretty thing being a lame duck. The sixty days notice is a requirement, being the time needed to tie up loose ends in a variety of areas. It is quite amazing how much the energy of our office shifted with the announcement. Beyond the normal worry and concern of some two dozen soon to be unemployed people, things are just dangerously unstable. Where we once came in to work and settled into our comfort zone to perform our job functions, there is no longer much of a comfort zone. It is more of a feeling of urgency. "Let's wrap things up and get the fuck out of here, my friends."
My first reaction was to adjust and evaluate where I would go from there. For a lot of it, there was a sense of relief. Five years in a job where you are beating your head against the wall trying to satisfy a client for whom nothing is ever good enough... it gets to you. Then I began to see where I had gone wrong.
My first two years in Orlando were a magical time. There was a powerful thrust of energy that carried me through adventures and introduced me to people who changed my life. Then I got locked into this job, which often left me drained and empty, for four and a half years. It was stagnation. My life began to close, limiting my adventures and travels. My interaction with people was left to those closely related to my job. It has been time for a change for a long time, but having gotten into a comfort zone with an unrewarding and unfulfilling job made it difficult to move.
I'll get a nice little severance package and whatnot upon the conclusion of this little disengagement dance. It won't be bad, it will be very good. I may have to learn to live on a smaller paycheck. I might get lucky and actually draw a bigger salary, but combine the Orlando market with living in a right to work state, and prospects for increasing my earnings don't look promising. It doesn't matter, though. I'll adjust. There is plenty.
I remember the reasons I came to Florida in the first place. I left a very stable and reliable job with a decent paycheck to come here. I resigned without compensation from a decade as a mail carrier. No one does that. I was escaping from stagnation. This time I'll actually be getting compensation. I needed this push. That which was most draining in my life, which sucked the most energy out of me, will soon be no more. Half the people I work with are in therapy and on medication. They had never seen a shrink or needed medication before this job and now they can't get through the day without it. That tells you most of what you need to know about the nature of my job.
We all reach crossroads in our lives. How we deal with and interpret those crossroads defines us. We can lament things and think of them as endings. A failed relationship, a divorce, the death of a friend, physical or mental disability... it doesn't matter what it is. These are bridges to be crossed and rivers to be navigated. This is the road. On the other side we have the other kind of crossroads. The discovery of new people, falling in love, a new baby, new beginnings, the stuff that creates memories that live forever and always makes you smile when you think back on them. There are many doors to open and windows to look through, but sometimes it is easier to sit still and wait for time to pass.
It is infinitely less rewarding.
The doors are opening. The road calls to us. The journey continues.