Chuck Taylor's Sports Camp for Girls. I can't believe that such a place exists on God's green earth. I mean, here is a man who was extradited from Paraguay following some tax evasion hoo hah. He is found on a yacht on the Gulf of Mexico drinking margaritas with topless women of various ethnic groups and breast size in the vicinity of a big heroin bust and they let him go.

So, Chuck Taylor comes back to the mainland. He starts dressing like Don Johnson and wearing Keds sneakers without socks everywhere he goes. He is found purchasing an inflatable woman sex doll in a store with questionable shoplifting policies and he gets off because he tells them it is a gag gift for an old tax evasion buddy.

A few years later, he is involved in starting a small chain of fat guy clothing stores in the Minneapolis area. He is found in the changing room with his pants off, ostensibly "trying on new slacks" even though he is a tall, lanky man in a store for fat guys. He gets off again. Nothing sticks to this guy.

So, I'm trying to forget about Chuck Taylor and just read this book of Ziggy cartoons my friend's sexy cousin bought me for Christmas even though we only kissed a few times. The thought is really what counts. Then I'm looking in the newspaper, hoping beyond hope that there might be a new Ziggy cartoon in that day's paper. No such luck, so I moved on, looking at various advertisements for washers and dryers even though I have no place to hook up these dreamy appliances. Then, there it is, in bold print, an advertisement luring young girls into the clutches of Chuck Taylor, who once drank margaritas on a yacht with topless ladies, but I already told you about that.

Chuck Taylor's Sports Camp for Girls

This is apparently a place where your daughter and her precious virginal accesories is likely to go in order to know more about sports. I guess the magic is in the doing, not in the watching, which is where I went wrong with sports. The thing is, Chuck Taylor knows less about sports than I do because he is from another country and not these great United States. He is not familiar with our sports and their ability to make billions of dollars. He probably just watched his poor, starving cousin trying to play soccer in a dirty minefield with no shoes and kicking a rock.

So, what is Chuck Taylor doing with this so called sports camp for girls? Is he making them wear little field hockey skirts that jump up when you make a play to give the viewing audience a fearful glimpse of your butt cheek filled panties? Is he going to make you wear little shorts and tight tee shirts and stare at you while you bounce around chasing a basketball and throwing it up into a hoop? Think about what he is thinking about for a moment and then realize he is making money from it.

Please, think twice, my friends and do not let your wives convince you to send your daughters to this possibly fraudulent camp. Talk to your minister or various members of the clergy for alternatives.