A Christmas that wasn't.
"Thanks for coming. I really didn't think you'd actually fly up. I was kidding, you know."
"I know you were. That's why I had to come. You would never actually doing anything so radical as actually asking."
"Sorry it wasn't much of a Christmas."
"Bullshit. I was with you, that's about all I've ever wanted for Christmas since I asked for that table hockey game when I was seven."
"Yeah, right. Stop trying to flatter me. I've already let you in the house."
"I could leave, but I figured I'd wait until morning. A little too cold and dark out for my tastes."
"A little snow and cold air going to kill you? Poor baby."
"Quite possible. I've been living in Florida for seven years. The body isn't used to it."
"Did you have enough blankets last night on the couch? I feel bad that I only had the one."
"Is that your way of inviting me to stay with you in your room tonight?"
"No, it is just my way of pretending I'm concerned about you."
"Well, I was cold. I slept with my coat on."
"I'll talk to my landlord about the heat. Will that make you happy?"
"I'm sure he'll have it fixed by the time I leave."
"Why are you always trying to trick me into letting you in my bed? How naive do you think I am?"
"If I agree to just sleep, do I get to sleep in your room?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because my dog gets jealous. It pisses him off whenever someone else is in the bed."
"Ah, okay, as long as we're just talking about not hurting a dog's feelings. That's perfectly sane under the circumstances."
"If you agree to keep your hands off me and just sleep, then I'll let you stay in my bed tonight. God, you are such a pain in the ass."
"And you are perfectly pleasant at all times."
"I never said I was pleasant. I've told you for twenty years that I'm a bitch. Deal with it."
"I've gotten beyond dealing with it. These days it just amuses me. You've become a constant source of amusement. It took me quite a few years to figure out how predictable you really are."
"Maybe I'm just predictable when you're around. Did you ever think that just maybe you're not the only person in my life?"
"Why don't we go back inside. I'm starting to freeze my ass off out here."
"My brother doesn't like people smoking in his house and I'm not finished with my cigarette."
"I'll light another."
"If you're going to do that, you get to stop whining about the cold."
"I'll make a note of that."
"How exactly did you expect me to react to you showing up on Christmas Eve? You know, if you gave me a little notice, maybe I could have had some food in the house."
"I got drive-thru on the way to the house. Don't worry about it. Remember when you tried to make ziti and the house almost blew up because the pilot light was out and you wanted me to relight it even though the whole house smelled like gas?"
"Yeah, I remember. I got you to buy pizza while feeling sorry for me at the same time. You bought it."
"You must really love me, almost blowing up your house just to get my sympathy."
"I told you, I'm not capable of love."
"Oh, yes, how can I forget. If I kiss you right now, how hard would you slap me?"
"What are you going to do, come up to New Hampshire for Christmas, kiss me and then go back to your wife in Florida? That sounds worth my time."
"I haven't left you in nineteen years. Why would I leave now?"
"Oh, right. You and your never ending supply of weepy-eyed girlfriends. At least when I run away, I do it honestly. I don't hide behind someone's skirt."
"So, would you rather I kissed you right now or wait until we get inside?"
"Do you always think this much before you kiss someone?"
Merry Christmas, Marci.
Merry Christmas to all (and so forth).