My friends will die. Painfully.

I was sitting at school eating my lunch trying to act all inconspicuous, when my friend tried to start a simple conversation.

'Yeah, I went with {insert name here} to get some stuff.'

'I see you returned with a Dasani. Why don't you just get water out of the drinking fountain like normal people?' asked I, ignorantly.

'Tap water is disgusting. Lake Tahoe water is disgusting,' said my other friend.

'No, Kansas water is disgusting.'

'What? Cactus water?'

And then, the girl I have a crush with walks by, Candace.

'Candace water is disgusting — I mean Kansas water!'

She looks at me, my friends look at me, the entire world looks at me.

'Leave me alone! Freudian slip!'

My friends will die. Painfully.