Hi, my name's The Custodian, and I'm an American.

I like having the right to move about my country as I feel.

I understand that not bringing I.D. or cash may make me less than welcome.

I enjoy baseball. Not on T.V., but the go-to-the-park-and-munch-peanuts-while-you-throw-the-shells kind of baseball.

I also don't make enough to afford the $45 the average ticket costs more than once or twice a month.

I have more than one motor vehicle. I enjoy a convertible in the days it's warm; I spend some weekends wrenching on it (hey, it's British) and I have a Japanese one when I need it to get soemwhere reliably and/or it's raining.

I consequently deal with those same insurance companies mentioned above.

However, I've been hit in my little convertible by another driver from behind...and those insurance companies he was forced to pay repaired my car. Oh, not without threat...but they did.

I spend many weeks a year in a place where people wear handguns openly and think not much of pulling them out when on a walk to plink an inviting can or two. I've also seen them remove their guns and hand them off to their friends so they could continue a drunken bar brawl.

I pay many taxes.

I donate to charity to offset that.

I can't afford to live a life of leisure.

A life of leisure would bore the snot out of me.

I enjoy the attempt of a few hundred thousand racial mixes to share land, life and loves.

I know it doesn't always work.

I like good beer. Which doesn't include Budweiser, Schlitz, or whatever the designer clear piss-du-jour is this week on MTV.

I keep pets. I feed and house them. They entertain me. I don't ever have to worry about being hungry enough to consider eating them.

Do I have regrets? Yes. Am I grateful? Hell yes. I regret not doing more to correct the wrongs that so many have brought up here that afflict my country. I regret not having spent time seeing enough of the world to really appreciate what I have. I'm grateful I was brought up here.

I really dislike my President and am embarrassed by him on the world stage.

I'm proud that even in the face of that nightmare of an election, it never really occurred to anyone here to get guns. Our natural instinct seems to have been to shout, write furious articles, and file lawsuits. All of which I prefer infinitely to The Late great unpleasantness.

I take comfort in knowing that he can't really do that much harm, comparatively.

If you earnestly want to join me here and try to enjoy it and make it better, warts and all, I'd love to have you, even if I can't comprehend the obstacles you'll face.

Better yet, bring America to you, if you can't get here. Try to live like us (or like we're supposed to), if you can; if not, try to think like our more noble exports claim you might want to. But don't think we're better than you; don't think you're better than us. Hope, with me, that we can all realize that we have to share this tiny rock.

I love my country.

I won't apologize for that.

My name's The Custodian, and I'm an American.