I dunno.

So I have a new job. That's good, I suppose. But the job ended up changing character on me wildly some 1.5 weeks after I started. I'd call it bait-and-switch except that a) it's technically a promotion and b) I was offered the option of not taking the new title, and having them hire a new person overtop of me, but you can't really say 'no' to that kind of thing if you ever *do* want to advance in a gig.

I'm managing, now (again). I hate it. Really, really hate it. I'm not sure how much of that hate is because I'm not used to it and how much is because I'm just not built for it, but I'm suspecting a lot of it's the latter. Which really ticks me off, because I'd like to do it and do it well - there's no point doing anything if you're not going to try your best to do it well. And no fear there, I *am*. I'm actually putting in a zillion percent more effort than my last job - but it's brought the depression back pretty hard.

I'm too busy to be depressed, is the mantra - but that means that in the rare moments of downtime, when I take stock of the last week or three (usually because someone asks "So how have you been?") the answer is always...either busy doing something that I don't really enjoy but need to, or exhausted and empty and, yes, depressed as hell. Because now I feel like I still don't have good things about my life - I'm still unbelievably fucking lonely, I haven't touched an airplane in like 5 or 6 weeks, etc. - and now I don't even have the time or more important the energy to fix it.

I'm not sure what the hell, now.

Still here, though.