TequilaMockingbird

I was born two months premature.

When I was one, I was dropped on the porch.

When I was two, I had pneumonia.

When I was three, I got the chicken pox.

When I was four, my birthday cake started a fire which claimed the building.

When I was five, my uncle was decapitated in a freak watermelon accident.

When I was six, a shovel fell and hit me in the head.... you know, a couple of times.

When I was seven, I lost my right index finger up my nose.

When I was eight, my dog Spike got hit by a tractor.

When I was nine, my mother lost her arm to the washing machine.

When I was ten, my grandfather killed himself because I was ugly.

When I was eleven, my grandmother killed herself because I was ugly.

When I was twelve, my father poked out his eyes with a pitchfork in a drunken stupor. Because I was ugly.

When I was thirteen, my aunt choked to death on a condom.

When I was fourteen, I lost my left big toe to a hoe.

When I was fifteen, I lost my virginity to a Cheerio.

When I was sixteen, I lost a cousin to the same truck that killed my dog.

When I was seventeen, I got hold of a computer.

Here I am.


FREQUENTLY NEEDED FOLLOWUPS:

Save your breath on expressing hopes that I shall father no offspring. See, when I was nineteen, this strange fungus started grPERMABAN



If by now you're not furiously typing up a PM calling me all sorts of synonyms for "thieving try-hard", don't ever dare call yourself a gamer.

And if you are, the term is "HOMAGE", foo'!

Anyway, I frags, I draws, I maps, I PHPs, I writes Reason music, I sells computers freelance, I plans HL2 mod (god only knows how I'm gonna pull that off), and on occasion I does really dumb shit for kicks like climbing tall things with no training, stamina or equipment for the job, or things involving law enforcement I probably shouldn't go into. I browse the net to find out about the randomest crap and hear about people in other countries. A tenure as mod at the IGN boards bred in me a buring hate for lamers, but most unnerving was seeing some of them in myself -- for instance, I still find myself assuming quite falsely that every alleged chick I meet on the net IS, in fact, a chick and a hot one to boot. When on a high horse, wear a helmet.

See you around.