Ok guys, listen up. If you don't know about this already, then you're going to need to. In these times, certain practices are becoming more and more popular at all sorts of gigs. This certain act is a testament to all that is great about mankind and nature, condensed into (where it usually works best) an arena.

I am talking about the Wall of Death here people, and you would do well to heed my words if you do not yet know of its glory!

You will want to begin by locating yourself at a gig where the music is at least ten-thousand decibels. Your next step will then be to wait until near the end of the gig, or at that climactic song, when everyone one is pumped up.

Now, you will of course have read the safety manual, and you will have prepared yourself for all eventualities. Now, you wait.

Patience is the key

Now, you'll need to look out for the guy who could fuck you up: he will start to separate the crowd. Mosh pits usually form in this way, with a gradual movement of people pushing the people behind them back. The difference here, is that you're creating a 10 metre by 100 metre moshpit.

Wall lined against wall. You will stand. You will stare into the valley of death and you will feel no fear, for your god is watching over you.

Hearbeats will quicken. Young men march, pumping their fists, through the pit. Daring the crowd on. The sweat makes your clothes stick to you, and you for a moment you are bonded with every person. In the middle will stand the lone soldier, who will give the signal to attack. On his command, you will run.

You will run at each other, Braveheart style and it will be glorious. The Wall of Death is not just about mayhem and chaos. That's not what mosh pits about. They're about beauty - the beauty of order that develops from chaos. And this is why the Wall of Death, and moshing in general, is such a spectacular thing. Even in a flurry of punching and kicking, you're still trying to achieve an objective, and you're still able to be civil

You will hurt like hell in the morning, but for those few minutes, you will be a god among men.