Random thoughts

Sometimes I find it very odd:

Someone I've known for and loved for six years or so, is finally out of my life and exits with the upmost hatred and disrespect for me. And in the meantime, after meeting a complete stranger online, and having spent only a week or two communicating with the person, the void is suddenly replaced with the hopes of beginning yet another relationship. I barely know this person, and yet, I feel I am drawn to her. I listen to my internal dialogue constantly in order to keep my sanity and rationale in check. I keep asking myself, "Do I love her?". Each and every time, I answer a "no" or "not yet". Other times, I force the answer just to keep myself from jumping off another cliff.

I don't hate her. By nature, I love her. I still do. It's when my water gets boiled that I hate her. I dislike very much when this happens. My heart is just going through the process of breaking right now.

My heart is being reformed by someone else.

Hmm..going 160km/h in this morning's commute when the person I'm starting to fall for has a phobia of being in a fast moving car. So what does this mean? I can't drive fast in her presence? That'll be a tough one when it comes.

I went to another business meeting last night. This time, it was for other reasons. I was beginning to learn the approach techniques required when I talk to others about it. I seriously wonder why some people question the system so hard? It's not a scam. It has all the benefits. It costs next to nothing. Takes little effort. The effort is battling the resistance. But even sometimes, the battle is so futile that we forgo it and just let people make their own mistakes. This is what E-commerce is suppose to be!

But I still think most of us are hedonists. But it's not like it's a bad thing. I can still make all the money yet hold an education. Perhaps, I should even consider getting many degrees and expand my knowledgebase.

It's not going to hurt.
No. I don't love her. She went on MSN again and I started to hyperventilate. So I made sure that she's no longer in my life. Now, I'm sad. I'm sorry. I needed to do this, to keep my sanity.

I don't love you.

My heart is now completely broken. Good bye.