I feel like such a loser for writing so many daylogs, but it's hard to hold a thought these days. I don't feel that such random thoughts belong anywhere else.

I got this fortune cookie with my Mandarin Chicken a few days ago, and it had lotto numbers on the back, even a Pick 3. I felt compelled to play them. The drawing for Powerball is tonight at 10. I played my birthday and Carson's too. 47 million.

I know I won't win, but still it's fun to dream, though it'd be easier with a dollar amount I can conceptualize, like $100,000. I could make that go fast, but 47 million? I know some things I would do. I would pay off all my loans, of course. Then I'd buy my parents home from them, this house they'll never finish remodeling, so they can retire in comfort, without worry. Then I would give enough money to Billy and Brenda so they could buy their own building in the Quarter and have proper space to have church services. Depending, I'd pay for Carson to go to school and buy us both new cars, giving our old ones away to people like Maggie and Dale. Pay all the people I owe money too. Ooh, and Sandi, too, get her out of debt.

But I won't win. And since I like to dream, playing the lotto might become a habit if I let it, and that would just be scary. I mean, all I really did was waste $5 and became one of the statistics, thinking someone deep down, money will cure things. If having someone to love you unconditionally (or conditionally) can't magically cure your woes, money certainly cannot. That's why I can only think to do with money or things what I do with love: give it away as an investment.