I have been, for most of the last few years, a breakfast-to-go-before-work person. That's become more typical lately. I've seen soccer moms and power brokers in line at the drive thru in front of me, reaching for their microwave meals with gold clad wrists, from within Cadillacs and Lexus SUV's. I either rode for an hour on busses to get to work or went to the gym beforehand, so even though I am single and have no one else to take care of, I fill my time just as much as anyone else. But this month I quit the gym, bought roller blades and go skating in the afternoons instead, and have since had a lot more time on my hands in the morning. So I've been making my breakfast hockey pucks at home.

I've always been a strong believer that breakfast should be the most unhealthy meal of your day, since you have the whole day to burn it off and anyway, breakfast just is. If it doesn't have bacon, eggs, cheese, and/or buttered toast, it's just a snack. So I bought a dozen eggs, Thomas English Muffins (accept no generic brands), American processed cheese (note: not processed cheese food; that tag at the end makes all the difference), and Kraft Real Mayonnaise (I mean, really, what is the point of light mayo?).

Apparently one egg, even a medium size egg, is not able to fit on an English Muffin. I know that Mc'Donald's uses beaten eggs and pre-forms them and probably uses smaller muffins, but I just realized how dinky my food used to be when I got it to go. When I make it home, it's messy and greasy and just tastes better. Don't mistake me; just because I cook my breakfasts at home doesn't mean I don't want things quick, easy, and ideally, portable. Even my waffles are toaster waffles, and I should warn you. Don't get the Pillsbury Hungry Jack toaster waffles if they have a little raised image of the dough boy on them. They burn on that side no matter how low the setting.

I would assume that since portions for breakfast are so small at fast food joints (I can't bear to call them restaurants; Denny's is the exception), that they expect us to not get hungry and hour after we get to work. The OJ is the size of a large shot glass, the hash browns half the size and thickness of a Snickers bar, which according to the commercial, is supposed to "really satisfy" you (and it actually does for me, in a pinch). And those Cini-Minis? What the hell is up with those?

If you were to set before the average working American the breakfast I was given as a child, he would slip into a mild coma, with a smile on his face. When I do get a full, normal meal with more than 2 food groups, I often fall into a mild coma. I miss when meals meant something. When they could stop time and you weren't expected to do anything but sit and digest.

I've eaten three times since I got up this morning at 5:30. Bagel bites, a homemade hockey puck, and toaster waffles. I'm still unsatisfied. I'm sated but not filled. Story of my life.