I was socially awkward in high school, and I managed to get into arguments with just about everyone. In a ninth-grade English class, the most beautiful girl in freshman class was arguing with me about a homework assignment.

I said, in a fury, "Go fuck yourself!"

She smiled sweetly and said, "If I could fuck myself, I'd just stay in bed all day. I wouldn't CARE about homework."

That shut me up for two reasons.

First, because it was true: anyone who could fuck her would abandon all other cares. Walking across hot coals would be enjoyable if you could fuck her afterwards.

Second, because I was too busy imagining it to speak.

True story.