Hmm. Today is a nice day. At least better than all other days for the last two weeks. I guess it didn't start well but I guess it went well. I never knew that I'm a flower type of guy but I guess a flower does make your day. Or maybe a good friend can make you smile
Like any other night, the day begins in the darkness which is my room. Keys typing, no phone tonight. I speak no words today. My thoughts echo through the air like I spoke them aloud. I guess that's what lack of sleep does. I get to see the psychologist or whatever today so I'm good. Hmm. I wonder if he can stop me from shaking and panic attacking at work. I ponder these stupid things.
I try to fall asleep but my body just doesn't feel like it wants to sleep. Besides, I still have Rachel Leigh Cook
from the Josie and the Pussycats
commercial stuck in my head. I like this already. At least I'm not so depressed. Until I realized that I'll never get a lady like her. Darn-eth.
I finally fall asleep at 10 AM. Only to awaken by 12:30 so I can be at my shrink at 1:30. After an hour of "consultation", he says that I'm repressing my feelings and I have to be more open. He wants a shy guy to be open about his feelings to a stranger at the first opportunity. How uncanny how naive people are lately.
I get home, only to receive a phone call from my mom or something, thinking that I would get yelled at at some point. But, to my surprise, it was a lady friend. She says she's coming over with a surprise. After discarding all dirty thoughts, I quickly set the place into "clean mode" and changed and spruced myself up a little. Even though she's unavailable, I can't pass up the opportunity to impress a lovely lady.
. I let her up the stairs. She gives me a flower. Typically, I'm not much of a flower type of guy but in this case, the sweetness of this gesture just made my eyes water. I didn't want to show non-machoness around her but I was genuinely touched. I wanted to thank her in any way I thought but I couldn't. I felt like she was heaven sent, from the highest pillars of heaven, to soothe my soul. She always surprised me but someday I hope to return the gesture. She asks me to go to lunch but I promised MrFurious
A couple of hours MrFurious
was supposed to find me, he came. It's not a surprise but I didn't mind. I didn't really want to eat but I guess it would be good for me. Even just a little. Off to eat and arcade. Teriyaki
chicken once again. A little crunchy but at least the conversation was nice. It seemed like I was reminiscing about the past. I feel so old yet I guess somehow the conversation reminded me of what has gone well. Maybe its worth thinking about.
I go to the doctor. He gives me a general check-up (after an half-hour wait) but I ask him to refer me to another shrink. He thought to give me some medicine before he sent me to a therapist. Hmm. Maybe its too late by next week. But if I have more days like this, I don't ever want to be like this again.
Off to work. I try to get my shift for tomorrow off so I can get blasted with MrFurious
and company. I realize that he made it so we can all relax but I just couldn't get rid of it at last minute that's all. No luck. I was planning to go work out with him afterwards but I couldn't because I had to get my prescription filled.
Off to the local grocery to fill my prescription. Got me some Novo-lorazem stuff. Supposed to help me sleep. Hope no one steals my wallet while I do. Anyways, I come home for a while but more screaming from my mom isn't what the doctor ordered so I was off to the nearest Rogers Video
. I borrowed some videos then headed off to the nearest arcade. Dungeons and Dragons
the video game kicks serious booty. But I only got halfway. Not bad for four credits.
Now I'm home. In the dark. Still, I can't get over that someone actually cares enough to buy me a flower. I wish I had someone like that but time and time again, I realize not to yearn for something as it would just come to you if you don't expect it. I guess the light isn't so bad.
I slowly creep from the darkness, from underneath the shade of the canopy of darkness. The light touches me, giving me a warm feeling. I feel my blood melting, rushing into the veins of my body. I feel life in my body. I reject it at first because what comes with life comes death. But its something that I need to get used to. But for now, let the light come find me. It knows where I am hiding. I'm behind the shadow of the darkness, where I feel nothing.
God, grant me the courage to change what I can change, the serenity to accept what I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.