It's been a while since the last daynode
but still, I am the same, almost routine, yet somewhat different. Somewhat of a paradox, yet almost as straightforward as anything else. I'm one of those people who talk to themselves when alone. Why? I don't really know why maybe except to let myself realize what I know to be the truth and what I repress inside myself.
I made a bet with MrFurious
, and Mike to see who can get a girlfriend first. Don't misunderstand. It's not a race but a reason to celebrate. What else would a bunch of bored 20 year old men who have the emotional conviction of 12 year olds do? There isn't really much else to it except the winner gets access to a free bottle of Vodka
. Whee. It's almost school time as well. Yippee. Believe it or not, I actually am excited to go back to school, trying to me new people and learning more about myself. What I'm not anticipating is seeing all the couples necking
all around me, making me jealous and wanting to just break them up.
I still go outside my balcony every night, looking up at the sky, wondering if its really the answer to all my problems. Sort of funny actually. A friend that I met through Hyacinth Gurl
and I have been talking for a while since she's returned from her trip from England
. For once, I didn't have any intentions but to simply have some company other than male company. But today, I called her to see if she wanted to do something. I didn't get a hold of her but it was okay. Then she called me back later after my afternoon nap to tell me that she wouldn't talk to me anymore because her mom thinks that I have motives
for talking to her. Frustration abounded me and what else can I do but to just vent by calming myself through meditation. I blink, and the day passes.
The rest of the day simply breezes by and questions surround my mind. I've always wondered why people have seen me the way they have. I never understood and probably won't. If I do have an alterior motive
, they will find out. If I don't have one, they think I have one. Annoys the heck out of me but what else can I do. I'm 20 years old now. No longer a teenager. Hard to accept but true enough. Let the ones who need me come to me. I try not to care anymore.
Dance like you've never danced before. Fight like you've never fought before. Love like you've never been hurt before.
P.S. Kim Ji Hye
is so hot (my new obsession).