The desire to pimp out a car exists within all of us. Well, all of us who want to have a monster truck to handle those suburban streets, a double-sized pick-up truck to haul empty air in on the way to their white collar job, be able to exceed the speed limit by 100mph instead of just 70, or have a flashy show car to get tarnished on the city streets and have its expensive paint job and body modification ruined by wear and tear.

Still, if you're going to pimp out a car, why in God's name use a Honda CRX? We're talking about a small, low-budget car that looks squat and weird, and whose genius designers made it so low to ground that you feel like the bottom is being torn open when you go over a speed bump in one. And yet, there they are. CRXs with spoilers, modified exhausts, mufflers that look like they belong on fighter jets, and paint jobs out of air-brushed fantasy. There's one parked by my apartment building here in Baltimore with a bitchin' yellow/orange paint job, and what looks like a totally new, one piece body shell. And yet. . .it's a fucking CRX! Pick-up trucks and sports cars were born for this sort of thing. The logic here is a little harder to follow. I think I have it figured out though. Let's proceed with the artist's rendition. . .


Some guy buys a Honda CRX

Guy: Oh shit! I just bought a Honda CRX! How can I get cool?

A pimped-out CRX drops out of the sky and crushes the guy.

Narrator: well, thanks to a cross-eyed stage hand, that guy never got to be cool. But other CRX owners were able to learn from the example. Soon, the idea swept the nation.


YET ANOTHER GUY in a pimped-out CRX is next to a pimped out pick-up truck at a red light.

YAG: Hey man! Let's go!

The pick-up's driver glances over, nudges his wheel, and in doing so turns the CRX into tin foil.


Guy crushed under the car: Thanks, narrator!

A broken hand limply flashes thumbs-up from underneath the chassis.


Well, that's my best guess, anyway.