The plan is very simple:
Simply become a latin pop sensation, and then use that fame to get millions
girls to purchase exorbitant
amounts of worthless merchandise
and annoying CD
s. I shall use the vast and incredible profit
s to conquer the world, completing my lifelong dream
of total world domination
But, you ask...How do I become a latin pop sensation?!?
At first glance this may seem rather difficult, especially when considering the fact that my ethnic heritage is Irish and Scottish. However, that in no way hinders my potential. I am now in my fourth
year of studying the spanish language
, the complete sum of my skills being that I can verify that the words spoken by the taco bell chihuahua
really are spanish. Therefore, I will sing in spanish, but only one, maybe two, actual sentences will be spanish. Observe my soon to be hit single:
La Salsa perra
Hoye! Mi pantalones llenan con salsa! Los llenan con salsa!
(x30 to a funky carribean beat)
Translated, that is:
The Salsa Slut
Listen! My pants are filled with salsa! They are filled with Salsa!
Actual hispanics will immediatly recognize me as a fraud. This will not be a problem, as my primary target market will be Americans. Before you know it, 13 year old, suburban raised girls will be dying to throw tremendous amounts of money at me, never suspecting a thing, because they still believe taco bell is authentic mexican food. The only other possible problem I can forsee at this point is live television appearances, mainly because I am in no way even remotely hispanic, nor a sex symbol. However, I think that can be easily fixed by using an overclocked tanning booth before any appearances.