Such a strange thing, is life. I'm still not entirely convinced solipsism isn't correct. I guess there's really no way to tell. I am traveling now, teaching in China for the moment, soon I may go to Kyrgyzstan to teach there. Everything seems great. But I guess I find traveling kind of lonely. I miss my friends. And well, I'm tired. I've been teaching for a while.
I just got an email from my best friend, we both suffer from being incredibly shy, and having bad luck with girls. We always fall for great girls who don't want anything more than friendship, c'est la vie. Here in China I'm teaching in a small town. No one speaks English really. It's hard to kiss a girl when you don't know how to ask her... anything. He's in Sweden now, he's found a beautiful girl. That's the nice trade, is that when we do find girls they're always wonderful people. So it's kind of nice.
I'm happy for him. But it makes me a little sad. Before I knew that there was someone else who had the same problem as me. Now I'm just some strange loner.
I've been thinking about college more and more. It's hard. I think, if I go to college for 4 years what will I have? A piece of paper? And if I just continue traveling and try to make it as a writer, maybe that will work? But if it doesn't... I guess that's useless thought though. Even with a degree I could wash out. It's hard. Four years is a long time. Then I think if I keep on moving, what's to say I ever have enough time to meet a nice girl. That's the nice thing about college, instant social circle. It can be hard to find the good ol' boys without the college years.
I could become a doctor in Cuba. 6 years and I'm a doctor, and it's free. I'm young, I won't lie, I'm only 20, but I feel like every minute is a long time. 6 years? Maybe I just don't like the idea of staying in one place. Maybe I'm depressed. Maybe I have a personality disorder. Maybe I'm just confused.
Life can be really hard to think about sometimes.