"Have you logged onto E2 lately?" she asks.

I have not. I am a coward.

I knew what this meant.

Something new was there.

So I checked.

It was there. It was brilliant. It was emphatically her.

It was infinitely painful.

I've never told her how it all makes me feel. The confusion. The jealousy. How petty I feel when I see these glimpses at her soul. Her past is here, cuts of it, displayed for everyone. I read and wonder. I recall conversations...and wonder if perhaps she lied. Not that it matters one way or the other. Done is done, and over is over.

Still I keep checking. Its like the cut in your mouth you keep tonguing. And each time it still hurts, and I realize I'm just fooling myself about the whole situation.