I am Soy Man
I am a blue robot
with a Mighty Soy Hammer
and no eyelids so I can not blink. I do not miss one quitillionth of a second of noder activity.
On the night of 27 August, 2001 at the location :
Palo Alto Bowl
4329 El Camino Real, Palo Alto 94306
I witnessed The NoCal Super Layoff Unemployment Collecting BBQ Moonlit Bowling Noder Meet
Noder Roll Call
download commencing in 3...2...1...
akasha - late but had cheesecake
bindlenix - mermaid with haunting eyes
cipher - an enigma
conform - not conforming at all
emphyrio - Europa sends her best to visit
factgirl - shall not have the last laugh
khymchanur - ate a book - no wait, there is a book inside him
lostandfound - resonating a vibe but ringing true
misuba - you know what they say....
m_turner - the anti Christopher Plumber
Ouroboros - bowled like he was falling out of a tree
rischi - wanted to take me apart to see how I worked
steev - wouldn't set me up on a date with his car
and wiggy the un-noder (here to be forthwith named as wiggy the new noder)
Chuck and Bob were at the front desk. Chuck had a tattoo that made khymchanur laugh. Chuck was going to charge the Noders extra for mocking him. Factgirl leaned over the desk and Chuck took a peek. Chuck charged the noders the regular price.
bindlenix, rischi, steev and khymchanur were in lane 25
cipher, conform, lostandfound, and misuba were in lane 24
m_turner, Ouroboros, and factgirl were in lane 23
the others arrived too late to bowl but still wore the shoes.
The lighting became dark and I had to use my laser beam vision
to see. I could see everyone's underwear
. The men were mostly wearing standard issue whities
except for the two in boxer shorts
and the one wearing no underwear at all
. The women's underwear image was stored in my 3D image gallery
for later use, except factgirl who's bra
nearly melted my head casing by reflecting my laser vision. I vowed revenge
The noders were generally substandard bowlers
. Some of their mistakes were very frustrating for a robot
to watch. I wanted to pound them upside the heads with my Mighty Soy Hammer
and tell them "It is simple geometry and algorhythmical mathematics!"
, but I held my peace.
The loud music shook my bolts to the threads. My Mighty Soy Hammer
wanted to awaken with joy one moment and swing with ferocious punishing violence the next at the eclectic
mix of songs.
download commencing in 3...2...1...
Alan Jackson - Chattahoochee
Sir Mix A Lot - Baby Got Back
Deee Lite - Groove is in the Heart
Deep Purple - Smoke on the Water
Harry Chapin - Cat's in the Cradle
Brooks and Dunn - Rock My World (Little Country Girl)
Alan Jackson - Livin' on Love
Poison - Talk Dirty to Me
Cheep Trick - I Can't Take It (live)
Night Ranger - Sister Christian
Whitesnake - Here I Go Again
Poison - Once Bitten Twice Shy
Kool and the Gang - Sound Your Funky Horn
Hot Chocolate - You Sexy Thing
Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music
I am sorry to report that Kajagoogoo
- Too Shy
was not played.
I used nanotechnology teenybots
up misuba's nose
to gain control of his mind. I made him roll his ball at the same time as factgirl and she fell right on her ass
. Everyone laughed and vengeance was mine
for robot deflecting bra.
Though I was hoping to go home with one of the noder women
to mate and create a race of noderbots
, I was well gratified that lostandfound won me
with his superior bowling talent. I believe he bowled over 100 points in that second frame. I challenge you puny Seattle and Atlanta and Boston and new york noders
to match that! HAHAHA Don't even try!
This is where my report must end. Like Steev
, I did not make it to the noder dining table. I am still in lostandfound's dark car trunk. Please come get me out. Air...diminishing...can't...breathe....oh wait I am a robot and need no air HAHAHA.
but I am