Observe Avery Mann, a dead Lutheran. Upon his arrival into the afterlife, he was issued a harp, white robe, and halo, and turned loose upon the sun-shining fields of the hereafter. He quickly observed that most of his fellow souls seemed taken with meditation, harp- or lute-playing, and smiling beatifically around upon the glory of the landscape.

Avery tried all of these things, and found they suited him poorly. His fingers played clumsily on his harp, which embarrassed him, and he quickly became bored with the tranquility that so gratified his supposed compatriots. He dearly missed his propane business, sex, light beer, and contract bridge, all of which had brought him great pleasure in life, and he was baffled as to why no one seemed as discontent as he; his first few attempts to bring this up in conversation had led to disaster, and so he now kept silent and moped a great deal. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went to see The Man.

"Why, O lord, am I so discontent?"

The Lord God bent down upon His throne, for it disturbed him greatly to hear this from one of His children. "Why, indeed? Have I not provided you with your promised reward?"

"That's the thing, Lord! I don't mean to be out of line here, but it seems like it's not much of a reward at all."

The Lord furrowed His magnificent brow quizzically.

"I need action! I need something to keep me busy! This isn't -- I mean, don't take this wrong, sir -- I miss my life. I miss having stuff -- I mean, the harp is great and all, but I miss my car; you know, that white convertible I used to have, with the... with the..." he noticed that the Lord God was grinning broadly at him, and sputtered to a stop, petrified.

"I understand completely," said God. He hooked his thumb at a path leading away behind the throne. Walk several miles in that direction; when you smell brimstone, turn left. Since you were good and pious in life, you will receive a Land Rover, a fifty-caliber machine gun, and a suitcase full of money. You will then be on your own."

"But... you're sending me to Hell?"

"If you wish to go," said God. "You know, you Christians have a lot to learn."

Nodeshell rescue for the masses