When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight, it ends tonight...
What am I, but a mere observer in my own body. Watching the moments pass by without a care in the world or any ability to hold onto a single second, as it is ripped from the present. Being sucked forward, away from a place I wish not to return, into a place that is supposed to be all the better.
It's all slipping away without a care in the world to what is happening as it slips. I can wake up each morning, see the sun coming up outside the window and have so much hope for the coming day. And even in a time of happiness, I can be as sad as I am now. Music is too powerful, it's a drug and it sucks you in and you can't stop listening to it. I'm a slave to the music and I can't be anything but that. It's the driving force within me, It's what makes me becomes my best and it's what sucks me right back down the next day. How can something so powerful be both a motivator and a discouragement at the same time?
I'll tell you why. Because I'm such a fucked up person that can't make up his own mind about anything without a whole spiel into every single possibility. And when I do, it's a fucked up one any ways. I'm motivated enough to do what I need to until I reach a point where I don't have to go further. And when I realize I'm not going to go any further, that I'm such a lazy ass to have pulled the weight that far, that I can't push through the pain and make it to the fucking finish line.
In response to some of K9's musings from yesterday's day log, and in attempt to put off a long due research paper, E2 is a place for writers of all types to feel at home. A place to let their talent roam free. I came here to read, read as much as I possibly could, which at the start I did. I've stayed here because I've found a place to actually have a purpose/reason to write, instead of just putting it off. And yet now I always seem to pull a day log I've written away from being actually submitted, because I feel stupid about it. Like it's something to be ashamed of and that no one in their right mind would care to listen to my ramblings. So what really is it that I'm suppose to put up here? A couple of ramblings about how my day went, afterthoughts about decisions I make?
On E2, I've heard the occasional "he doesn't know when to keep the clicker off the submit button," or something to that tune. I want to be rational when it comes to my w/u's, but does that mean I shouldn't put something up that is really out there? E2 is about taking chances and putting out content that means something to you. It's about going off the deep end if that's what you have to do to get your point across. Don't be ashamed of your writing! You put the time in to write about something that matters to you, and if it matters to someone, then it must matter to at least one other person out there. Make the connection with that person sifting through node after node, in a search for something eluding them. Day log every thought that crosses your mind, if it's well written, someone is bound to take a look.