This feels weird, I've never noded
in a daylog
before. But for once in my life, I have a lot to say and nobody to tell it to. My girlfriend
, Pam, went to her school today to pick up some books and just spend the day. She's going to Albion
college, in beautiful scenic Albion
. Its a liberal arts
college, one of those schools that knows exactly how many students
at all times of the year. Since she's two hours away today, nobody is around to hear my anxieties
School starts on September 6th, but Pam leaves on Saturday. She wants "time" to build a social life out there and make sure she can get started on the right foot before concentrating on our relationship. I really can't complain, because she still loves me, and keeps reassuring me that I'm her boyfriend and that I'm #3 in her life after her education (which is costing her $24,000 a year), and her family. In all honesty, that is all I could ever ask for from anybody, possibly more. But I know that my sweetie is going to be meeting hundreds of people, half of which will be guys, most of which will probably want to get on her. If I didn't trust her 100%, that might actually bother me, but I'd rather be around with a baseball bat just in case they got an idea or two. Ok, thats not realistic, and definately not me, but it sure would make life simpler.
That same Saturday, I'm going to have to move out of my mothers house, who I haven't lived with in ten years until this summer, and get everything ready to go to Ann Arbor. After two years apart, I'm living with my best friend again, kaytay's boyfriend Aaron. I think that it'll be the coolest thing since sliced bread to have somebody around all the time to talk to, and with my personal schedule I know I won't be around enough to get sick of him. There are so many possibilites that lie ahead of me at Michigan, but for once in my life, I'm freakin happy and would rather just stay where I am. Change is your friend when you're unhappy, and I'm as far from unhappy as I've ever been in my entire life. Now it just brings uncertainty.
For now, I get to stew with all these thoughts in my head as I stare at my poster of X-men the movie that hung up in my cubicle. Tomorrow will be my last day working for Meijer in their ITS department, and I'm probably going to miss it. After all, Kornshell scripting, basic support issues and Active Server Pages aren't exactly busting your hump for $10.50/hr, an 8-5 job, and working 10 minutes away from Pam's house.
Having such a perfect life right now makes me think of all the people I know whose lives suck right now. It really makes me wonder what I've done to deserve such great treatment from life. God has given me the world, and more. I mean, I'm 19 years old, I'm starting my third year of college, I've been dating the greatest, most beautiful, intelligent, independent, and caring girl I've ever met, who I "loved" at first sight for three quarters of a year, I'm going to a school that I wanted to attend since I was eight years old and even more so when I got rejected from two years ago, I've got a great running car, I'm barely in debt from college, I've got a loving family...and I'm going to complain because something is changing? I'm a fucking moron.
I guess I'm just really scared that I'm going to screw something up and lose everything that is so beautiful to me.