What a way to start the
day. Some times I wonder why I even get up in the
mornings. I spend 80+ hours a week at work, and I just don't need more pressure. But it's hard to work with your
girlfriend, and even harder to be her
boss. Most of the time we're fine - but days like today really push the limits. All I need, all I want, is some
freedom,
peace and acceptance that I have to do what I have to do.
She wants so much to be included in everything I do. And I try to accomodate her as much as possible - but sometimes (like today) I shouldn't. She wanted to go to work with me. I had to make a choice
- Wait for her. Miss bus. Be late to work.
- Go without her. Be on time. Deal with angry girlfriend all day because I couldn't "wait a few minutes."
I chose (unsurprisingly) to wait. Perhaps I should have decided that work is more important, but somehow, I can't. If I do, I might as well hang out the "Vacancy" sign, because I won't have a
girlfriend anymore.
I sat and thought while we waited for the bus. Thought about a lot of things. Seems like I can't make anything sound like I want it to when I speak out loud - but somehow I think telling her everything by email wouldn't quite send the right message.
She just started on E2 yesterday. Noded the lyrics to Johnny Jump Up. She had originally done it in bard and it got cooled immediately. I'm jealous. I feel like I'm not as talented when someone's first attempt gets more recognition than any of my best work. Aside from that, I also wonder if this means I can't be as free with my thoughts here. I keep a lot of things secret to preserve the sanity of our relationship - because everytime I bring up some of these things, it turns into an argument followed by crying jags. Not that the making up is bad, but I'd rather not have the arguments to begin with.
Oh well, she's probably going to read this, anyway - but I just have to get some of this off of my chest. It's that or go mad.
Someone please tell me that my trained chimps are on the way? 7 people not showing up for work did not make my boss happy. I've called everyone I have numbers for. At least two people came in. That means only 10 minute hold times instead of 18. Times like this make me glad I'm not the boss. But does it really matter? After all, shit rolls downhill, and I'm right in the path of destruction.