Semi-fictional
everyman character (some say Royko's
alter ego) frequently appearing in
newspaper columns by
Mike Royko.
Slats (from "a kick in the slats") was a
palooka from the
Polish neighborhoods of
Chicago. He spent all his time in
taverns (especially
Billy Goats)
drinking beer, playing
16-inch softball and watching
sports on
TV... which gave him plenty of
spare time for making political and
social commentary. He appears in the title of one of Royko's books of collected columns:
Slats Grobnik and Some Other Friends.
Memorable Slats quotes:
On OJ Simpson selling his video after the trial was over: "Hey, a guy's got to make a living. What do you want him to do -- apply for unemployment comp? Like he says -- he wants to get on with his life, which is the best thing to do with your life until you croak."
On being told by someone chirpy that "after the storm there comes the rainbow", "No, stupid, after the storm there comes the flooded basement."
"If nature wanted us to smile all the time, then we would have been born with our heads upside-down."
See also: Royko's Doctor I. M. Kookie, Jimmy Breslin's Fat Thomas