I had a heated discussion with my roommate the other day as I was making myself dinner. She asked me what I was making, and I replied with "Tuna salad." She looked at the mug I was mixing the tuna and mayonnaise in, stared at me blankly for a few seconds, and said, "That's not tuna salad." I protested for a while, feeling that my beliefs and convictions had been challenged by this arrogant girl, but I couldn't help but tend to agree with what she was saying. Salad really requires vegetable matter of some sort (I even checked the dictionary definition.

We eventually came to the agreement that it becomes tuna salad upon the inclusion of relish, onions, or celery. Now, every time I go to a diner or deli, and get a tuna salad sandwich, I can't help but feel infuriated if it's just tuna and mayo. I feel that I have reached a new paradigm in my thinking, and culinary interpretation. Could these fools still be left behind in a world where mayonnaise counts as a vegetable? I pity these people for it, but I also resent that their incorrect beliefs must infringe on my lunch.

Next topic for discussion: SPAM stands for SPiced hAM, but how come the only things listed in the ingredients that even remotely resemble spices are salt and sugar?