I think I'm acting
normal. I walk around. I drink my
coffee. I make brief
chitchat with my
coworkers, regarding something I read on
Slashdot. I can't possibly be that
transparent. I've had a full life of hiding behind my
masks to practice up to this point. How can I have been practicing this for so many days out of the month, since I was thirteen, and they can still spot it? Inevitably, someone will ask:
Are you okay?
I respond with my mantra: "I'm just tired." It was a long night. I had a little too much to drink.
Those are my stories. My excuses. They haven't failed my yet. I can say it with conviction (unlike most else in my life). They're usually true, and they cleverly allow me to brush off the question without lying, and saying "yes."
Why do they have to ask me? Do they really even care? Do they understand what that question does to me? How it makes me feel? I just want to cry.