Before I get into my log for today, let me give you some backround information about my current relationship with "Fred". I met Fred in mid-September. Since then, I have fallen in love with him. He is the perfect guy for me! Initally, he didn't want a serious relationship, having just gotten out of a two year hell with a psycho hose beast. I can respect and understand that. I knew early on I would want to have something serious, and knew I shouldn't push him in this type of situation. So, as much as it killed me, I let him have his space.

Shortly after we started to date, I knew I had fallen in love with Fred. I battled with myself, had sleepless nights, and weighed the pros and cons of telling him. I just knew I couldn't live without speaking my mind, so I did. He of course did not say it back, and I wasn't expecting him to.

After expressing my feelings, I felt much more at ease with giving him his space. So I enjoyed his company, had fun, and just totally dug hanging out with him, and being intimate with him.

(Now for the real beginning of my log) So here I am.....almost 2 months later, asleep in bed the day Fred comes home from vacation. 4:32am - My cel phone rings. I never leave my cel on at night, but for some reason, I left it on this night.

"Hello", I mutter, or something as close to it as I can force out at this ungodly hour.

"Hi baby, its me", me being Fred, of course.

"Oh hi, how are you I am asleep or was asleep." Still totally out of it.

"I'm good, sitting in the airport, waiting to come home. I miss you."

"I miss you to baby.....will I see you tonight?" I think it takes me about 2 minutes to babble this one out.

"Yes, I really want to see you. I'll be home around 5pm, is that ok?"

"Yeah that's ok....sorry I am so tired." At this point I look at my clock and collapse back down on my pillow with my phone.

"Ok I'm going to go now. Thanks for answering your phone."

" problem." This kind of confused me at 4am.

"I love you."

"I love you too," I say, as if I had been saying it to him for years.


About 3 seconds go by. I jolt out of bed. "HOLY SHIT! Oh my god!" This outburst wakes up my best friend, who is asleep in the bed across the room. "Oh no, I am going to vomit," I think to myself. Super high jolts of love, joy, fear, complete hysterics. His groggy attempts of calming me down don't work much. I run to the bathroom, but calm myself before anything happens. I get back in bed, and fall back asleep.

The next morning, I wake up wondering if it was all a dream or not. Of course, it wasn't. A strange feeling overcame me. The only way I can describe it is like this: Remember when you were 4 or 5 years old....right about this time of year, the only thing you could think about was christmas. You made a list, checked it twice. And then finally, WHAM!, its christmas. The next day, you were like, Ok, now what? That's kind of how I feel....not disapointed, but in wonder of things to come.

I can't even begin to describe how good it feels to know he loves me. Fred, you make my heart soar to the highest cloud. You make me feel complete. I do love you, with all of my heart and soul.