I have been told time and time again by members of the LDS Church that it is utterly impossible to be kicked out of the church. This usually follows my telling of this story. To this day I am very proud of my Father for getting kicked out of a church that has no policy of excommunication. That being said here is how it went down:

My family had just moved to Lawton, Oklahoma for our new assignment with the Army. I was a toddler and my little brother was a newborn. My father, who was out of the house on this day, was never Mormon and has never been involved in the LDS Church but somehow our entire family got into the church records. The Bishop/Deacon/elder or whatever the office is of the local ward/stake decided to dispatch two home teachers to our residence to educate us about our religion. Home teachers are not missionaries. Missionaries are the propagandists who get people in to the church, Home teachers make sure they stay there.

These two losers show up, one short and fat the other tall and thin (I'm not making this up). My mom answers the door and politely explains that this is not a good time, one of the kids is sick (my brother) and her husband is not home and to please call ahead to make an appointment next time.

Unfortunately the short, fat mouthpiece of the duo does not like this answer and my mother is forced to close and lock the door while he is trying to stick his foot in it.

Two weeks pass....

The duo return, this time my father is home. They ring the bell, when my mom answers the door the mouthpiece informs her that he will come in and will teach her about the one true church. He proceeds to push her out of the way and force his way into the living room (while she is holding her newborn son in one hand and had a two-year old in the other). At this point my father enters the room and sees what is happening. He comes from across the room and stiff-arms both back out onto the steps. My dad, who is 6'4" and at this time was a Major in the Army informs the two ass-holes that if they ever return they will do so at the risk of losing lots and lots of blood, because no one pushes his wife around and threatens his children.. especially in his own house. Also, they have exactly .5 seconds to beat feet outta sight before he really loses his temper.

Another two weeks...

A letter arrives informing my father that he will appear at a given time before a church board of inquiry. This paper served as an excellent fire-starter.

Another two weeks...

Yet another letter, this time informing my father that he has been excommunicated from the LDS Church. We were never happier. Unfortunately this letter was thrown away or lost. I wish I had it framed.

Note, I was under the impression that the LDS Church did not have a policy on excommunication, or at least I have been told they don't by many members. Thank you for the correction and I apologize for any problems that came from it. I have no problem with most members of the LDS Church, but it is no secret that I have a problem with the Dogma of the church its self. I don't keep this a secret, in fact it is common knowledge among my friends, many of whom are LDS. If I am to be called Anti-Mormon then I would like to specify that I am not Anti-Mormon, I am Anti-Mormon Church. More broadly I have a problem with any organization, religious or otherwise, that preaches hate and scorn towards our fellow man. If the LDS Church says that I am going to hell (or the Mormon equal to it) because I have homosexual friends, I don't believe in their god, I have not been baptized (that's ok, it's a service they provide for me after I die), I have not, nor will I get married (no, not even in their temple), I will not have kids, and I will not be "Sealed for Time and all Eternity" to my family then so be it, I guess I am goin' to hell. But I will go knowing that I have accepted more people into my life unconditionally than the LDS Church ever has.
Now that my rant is over, I hope that more Mormons, and anyone involved in organized religion, can look past the bigotry of their church and reach out to those who differ from themselves.