Dodgeball is good, but in grade school, myself and some friends came up with something even better. My school had itself a well stocked gym, one which they rented out as well. Some enterprising young classmate of mine decided to rent out the gym for a birthday party. Having access to all the gym equipment meant that we had oodles of choices over what games to play. After a few rounds of floor hockey (yes, if you are asking, I Am Canadian!) and more cake than you could shake a stick at, we invented what I consider the Best. Sport. Ever.

We never named it, but if I had to choose a name now, I'd probably go with "Dodgestuff".

You see, that was the point. It wasn't just the normal rubber balls we were a-dodging, but basketballs, volleyballs, rubber chickens, fuzzy dice, baseball gloves, and almost anything else we could get our hands on. We did mutually assent to making certain objects illegal to throw, such as baseballs, medicine balls, and hockey sticks.

Aside from our choice of weaponry, we changed the whole point from "Two equal teams going at it like rabid chimpanzees going after carjackers" to "One team attacks, the other defends, both going at it like rabid chimpanzees going after carjackers". One team would be defending from the stage on one side of the gym. We'd take the massive High Jump mats, stack them on top of each other, and the defending team would hide behind them. The other team would be out on the gym floor, and would try to attack the "base". The attacking team would use hockey nets (and whatever else they could find) as mobile shields to hide behind.

We ended up playing this game multiple times, so I ended up creating a number of strategies for it:

  • Taking Hockey goalie pads (lower leg pads, specifically), and strapping them to your arm makes an excellent shield. Just use it to bat incoming balls, chickens, what have you out of the way.
  • Actually, any form of padding is useful for blocking incoming projectiles. I believe one of my friends just carried around a gymnastics mat in front of him, knocking balls to the side. Then, when a veritable armory of weapons lay all around him, he'd drop the mat, grab the armaments, and scurry to a good firing position.
  • Rubber Chickens own all. Seriously. Our school had literally a bucket full of rubber chickens. Just grab one by the comb (the frill on the top of the head), and whip it at people like a Shuriken. It was my favourite piece of weaponry by far.
  • Right in the thick of battle, get your team to stop firing. Because we had a limited number of projectiles, if the other team keeps firing without realizing what our team was doing, we could gain a monopoly on projectiles, and could storm the other team!

I really recommend this game. It doesn't really have a winner or loser, it requires teamwork, quick thinking, and creativity, and it can be done with whatever objects you have on hand. It's a great game. Ahh, the memories.

I take no responsibility for injuries or destruction of property caused by playing this game. We had our fair share of injuries (no serious one, but everyone came out with at least a couple bruises), and some property destruction (I'm glad my school never realized why all those rubber balls were popped), so play at your own risk!