I can't sleep. Too many things on my mind.
I have suspected for some time now that I have some type of mental disorder.
I know I can be intelligent and rational most of the time, but all too often I make a stupid obvious error of judgment, misunderstand things etc. I realise that everybody 'has their moments' but mine happen all to often for me to be comfortable with them. I suffer some sort of 'brain freeze' where my brain locks up and my mind clouds over, and I have trouble understanding whats going on, whether I'm reading a book, attempting to solve some problem, typing code or listening to someone talk.
That's another problem, my hearing. I'm not sure whether its my brain or my ears that are screwing up, but sometimes I have trouble just understanding/hearing a conversation. I cannot always make out what someone is saying, even if they're only 2 meters away from me or less. But I can hear perfectly fine, phones ringing far away, knocks on doors, etc. that other people don't hear. I've thought that it might be due to a lack of complete concentration but I have not been able to find a solution.
Another to add to the list, I have a speech impediment, your average dyslexia I guess, although only mildly. Too often words slip from my mind, even if I've used them frequently or recently, and I'm left standing with a half-finished sentence and people waiting for the punch line.
I feel as though I have the potential to be smarter than I am, but something keeps blocking my path, and I don't know what it is.
All I want is to be better than this, so I can live my life properly as a better person.
Thanks for listening...